"Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet
which still clings fast to the heel that crushed it."
which still clings fast to the heel that crushed it."
I was involved in a money scam sometime back. I won't go into details, but what I lost was more than the paper notes in my wallet, it was a trust in humankind in general.
As outsiders looking in, one can only think that the person who had been cheated was either naive or plain stupid. The thing is, unless you are immersed in such a sticky situation yourself, you will never understand.
I once came across a report stating that many highly educated and intellectual Singaporeans had been involved in email money scams costing them more than a few thousand dollars. It might sound ironic that an educated bunch of Singaporeans are actually 'stupid' enough to fall for the old trick in the book, or was it their lust for financial wealth tempting them? A friend of mine also lost thousands of dollars involving some lottery draw scam.
I must admit that when I came across that article and my friend's situation, only one word flashed across my mind: Stupid!
But, there was one thing that my friend told me that I remembered up to this day:
"It is only when you are personally entangled in such a situation yourself, then you will fully understand
(how someone can get cheated)."
But, I walked away with a very potent lesson: Forgiveness. (how someone can get cheated)."
What was upsetting was that my trust in someone had been betrayed. When the person first disappeared with my money, anger and hatred reigned dominant in my mind. I even cursed the person to go to hell.
On that particular Friday evening that I sat on the cold chair in the cold night for a person who had long fled with my money, and coming to the even colder realization that I had been cheated and lied to repeatedly, it was only then that I fully understood. It is only when you have been personally involved, would you understand the intricacies involved. These might be normal people, but they are masters at playing mind games, twisting and turning your minds around until you are mere marionettes under their thumb and obediently hand over the wad of notes.
It is only when you look back, that you realize the many loopholes. But, again, the majority of us are not fortune tellers, and we do not possess prophetic minds. What matters is that we walk away with a lesson.
The guy whom I met was a fortune teller and he tempted me with the possession of hidden information. It wasn't money that I was tempted by, it was immaterial possessions that I was after.
The stranger I met was a morally bankrupt man who uses his special talent to swindle other's money, who had the audacity to mention God frequently during our conversations. There is still some traces of anger in me, but I still wish him well. And, no, I don't really wish for him to go to hell.
From what I know, I wasn't the only one who was cheated. Scribbled in the notebook where the man asked for my name and telephone number, were many other people's telephone numbers in the same scrawny handwriting.
Right now, I can only say that losing the money is no big deal. It's not the worst thing that can happen to me. I still have my hands and legs, and I still can earn the money back.
I don't know if I should make a police report or not, since I know next to nothing about this stranger.
Back to the me sitting on the cold chair in the cold night on that Friday evening. I was sizzling with anger, very upset and kept chiding myself for trusting so much in a stranger I barely knew about. I didn't know his (real) name, his (real) telephone number, I knew next to nothing about this guy, and yet he is such a smooth prophetic talker that spun the cobweb of lies that slowly corroded the wall of resistance and that I had built up initially.
Half an hour before I was scheduled to meet this stranger, the growing feelings of unease finally escalated to a point where I realized plainly that I had been cheated. I took out his number from my wallet, and dialed it. It turned out to be an invalid phone number.
On that particular Friday evening that I sat on the cold chair in the cold night for a person who had long fled with my money, and coming to the even colder realization that I had been cheated and lied to repeatedly, it was only then that I fully understood. It is only when you have been personally involved, would you understand the intricacies involved. These might be normal people, but they are masters at playing mind games, twisting and turning your minds around until you are mere marionettes under their thumb and obediently hand over the wad of notes.
It is only when you look back, that you realize the many loopholes. But, again, the majority of us are not fortune tellers, and we do not possess prophetic minds. What matters is that we walk away with a lesson.
The guy whom I met was a fortune teller and he tempted me with the possession of hidden information. It wasn't money that I was tempted by, it was immaterial possessions that I was after.
The stranger I met was a morally bankrupt man who uses his special talent to swindle other's money, who had the audacity to mention God frequently during our conversations. There is still some traces of anger in me, but I still wish him well. And, no, I don't really wish for him to go to hell.
From what I know, I wasn't the only one who was cheated. Scribbled in the notebook where the man asked for my name and telephone number, were many other people's telephone numbers in the same scrawny handwriting.
Right now, I can only say that losing the money is no big deal. It's not the worst thing that can happen to me. I still have my hands and legs, and I still can earn the money back.
I don't know if I should make a police report or not, since I know next to nothing about this stranger.
Back to the me sitting on the cold chair in the cold night on that Friday evening. I was sizzling with anger, very upset and kept chiding myself for trusting so much in a stranger I barely knew about. I didn't know his (real) name, his (real) telephone number, I knew next to nothing about this guy, and yet he is such a smooth prophetic talker that spun the cobweb of lies that slowly corroded the wall of resistance and that I had built up initially.
Half an hour before I was scheduled to meet this stranger, the growing feelings of unease finally escalated to a point where I realized plainly that I had been cheated. I took out his number from my wallet, and dialed it. It turned out to be an invalid phone number.
The me that was swearing and cursing at the guy to go to hell was one full of pent-up anger, sadness and full of agony. But, the moment I decided to let go, to forgive this guy, to a point where if I were to bump into him on the streets one day, I wouldn't feel like hammering his head to a pulp and run a car over him, I felt a peace of mind. I then realized how tiring it is for me to keep on hating someone…
Anger is using another's actions, words or behaviour to punish ourselves. Why would anyone do that to themselves? Hating someone is only torturing yourself, not the hated party. The person whom you are directing all your wasted energy and hatred might not even be aware, or might not even care about your feelings. There is simply no point. No matter which angle you look, it is a superfluous waste of energy. It would be so much easier to extinguish the feelings of hatred directed to people who have hurt us in the past.
Why then allow your prison of hatred thoughts to form a stranglehold over yourself?
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