another farewell

"Being away from home,
being away from the ones you love,
makes you strong,
builds your armor.
Because in the end,
the only person in this world you can depend on is yourself."

~ Ugly Betty

As if things couldn't get any worse, I had to say farewell to another of my best friend in Melbourne today. It was so unexpected, she wasn't supposed to leave the country for another three years, and suddenly, an sms sent at 3 in the morning informed me that her parents were forcing her to get the hell out of Melbourne.

This farewell was a lot harder than the first. Especially since S was someone I hanged out with 24/7. We were so different, in so many ways, and yet we became instant best friends right from the very first day we met. Even though we had virtually nothing in common, we just clicked. She once asked me why I don't swear, don't smoke and don't take drugs. She was a party girl and a wild animal, and me the studious bespectacled kid. She loved partying and clubbing, I thought it was a colossal waste of time. She loved reading, I thought books were boring. She loved smoking and taking drugs, I thought it was the path to lung cancer. In so many ways, she influenced me, and vice versa. For one, she started adding 'la' behind every one of her sentences.

At the end of everything, she thanked me for the friendship and said that I had done so much for her. I told her that I had done nothing to help her, and felt so useless. For a while, we even talked about her running away from home, running away from her family who were committing an act, which in the case of a stranger executing it, would be deemed 'kidnapping'. So what if I stood in the freezing cold next to my friend for hours while she cried and talked, cried and talked? So what if I helped her pack her luggage and listened to her complaints? In the end, I didn't do shit. In the end, I didn't help change anything. In the end, she is still going back to her country. Against her own will. It is very hard to believe that in this day and age, pre-arranged marriages are still taking place, parents will happily sacrifice their daughter's happiness in exchange for wealth, status and prestige.

PEOPLE FUCKING TELL ME THAT I CAN'T ALWAYS LET MY FRIEND'S PROBLEMS GET TO ME BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE TO LEAD. WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE FUCKING KNOW? WHEN YOU ARE WITHOUT YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS ARE YOUR LIFE.

I get so fucking sick and tired of trying to bloody explain myself. It's okay. As long as I understand my own situation, it's enough. After all, at the end of the day, you only have yourself. I don't expect anyone to FUCKING understand my situation. Just go on and think that I am being a whiny, childish and immature person.

Anyway, a few of my friends are flying back to Melbourne soon. With so many people leaving, people actually returning is a breath of fresh air.

Goodbye to 4 months of our friendship, and of course, I will attend your wedding in Sydney.