"You are worth much more than that."
I attended a farewell party for a close friend of mine today. The thing about farewell parties is that it gets messy, the atmosphere is all funereal, all don't-be-sad-that-it-ended-but-be-glad-that-it-happened, everyone's noses are suddenly running, eyes are overflowing, tears are spilled, and the farewells are never right.
The time we knew each other was barely there, short, very short. But, the thing about being away from your family is that you grow closer to friends, you treasure them more, you appreciate them more, you notice their presence more. The thing about being away from home is that you hang out a lot more with your friends, you speak to them a lot more, you grow a lot closer to them than if you've been home.
We once made a pact: that once she quit her job, we would have dinner everyday. With her, I got introduced to all the mouth-
watering dishes in Melbourne. With her, I had the most meaningful conversations ever. With her, she taught me a whole new lesson about love, generosity, honesty and what a beautiful heart really looks like.
I prepared my farewell speech even months before she was to leave. This was what I had intended to write on the farewell card:
But, I didn't. Saying what I had intended to say would be like personally putting a full-stop to our friendship, and signing off. I couldn't do that without my heart bleeding out of a guilty conscience. And, the last thing, someone needs to hear when saying goodbye is that it is forever, it is eternal, thank you for everything and I will never see you again.
What really touched me during the farewell party was a witnessing of a kind of friendship I've never seen before. With tears soaking her entire face, her best friend left the room. Everyone took turns saying what they wanted to say to her, and she teared, a teardrop here and there. But, when her best friend appeared, and started sobbing uncontrollably, started by saying, "I don't know what to say...you are much more to me than a sister", I saw my friend broke down, totally losing control, for a while time did stop, at least in the house. Nothing else mattered, only two best friends throwing away their dignity, their pride, both sobbing away uncontrollably, and one saying, "...you taught me how to laugh like I've never laughed before."
The funny thing about these two friends is how different they look, and how similar they both turn out to be. One has black hair, the other yellow; one is Asian, the other English; and yet I cannot find two individuals with more matching personalities than them.
Before their departure, everyone took turns hugging her and exchanging some words here and there, making jokes about both their countries being a stone's throw away, about how she should and must visit, about how the doors of their house will be open to her, about how there will always be a home away from home, waiting right here for her in Melbourne.
The thing is, yes, everyone will feel sad, everyone will feel loss. My friend has come a long way, from her initial reluctance to leave her hometown to come to Melbourne to study, to her longing for more time, more opportunities, about her missing her friends.
Maybe, once a while, they will keep in contact. They might even call each other. But, slowly, as time crawls to a week, a month, a year, the distance between them becomes unmistakable. They will go on living their lives, and all they will have is the memories of the past. Because they will no longer feature in her present.
What my friend did say was that I made her fat. What my friend did say was that I never knew how much I meant to her, more so than I could ever imagine. What my friend did say was that I am worth much more than I ever thought myself to be. What my friend did say was that no doubt we shall see each other again soon.
And, yet, what she didn't say remained the most obvious to me. Given time, and given distance, the two most unforgivable elements, one day she will mean no more to me than a footprint in my heart, and me as someone she used to be close to.
But, right now, at this very moment, with her departure, all of a sudden, I feel a gaping hole in my life.
Empty. No words to fill the void.
Why does this farewell feel so hard? Why does this farewell feel like goodbye forever?
The time we knew each other was barely there, short, very short. But, the thing about being away from your family is that you grow closer to friends, you treasure them more, you appreciate them more, you notice their presence more. The thing about being away from home is that you hang out a lot more with your friends, you speak to them a lot more, you grow a lot closer to them than if you've been home.
We once made a pact: that once she quit her job, we would have dinner everyday. With her, I got introduced to all the mouth-
watering dishes in Melbourne. With her, I had the most meaningful conversations ever. With her, she taught me a whole new lesson about love, generosity, honesty and what a beautiful heart really looks like.
I prepared my farewell speech even months before she was to leave. This was what I had intended to write on the farewell card:
I won't say friends forever,
because time has driven the closest of friends apart.
But what I can say is, thank you for leaving footprints in my heart.
because time has driven the closest of friends apart.
But what I can say is, thank you for leaving footprints in my heart.
But, I didn't. Saying what I had intended to say would be like personally putting a full-stop to our friendship, and signing off. I couldn't do that without my heart bleeding out of a guilty conscience. And, the last thing, someone needs to hear when saying goodbye is that it is forever, it is eternal, thank you for everything and I will never see you again.
What really touched me during the farewell party was a witnessing of a kind of friendship I've never seen before. With tears soaking her entire face, her best friend left the room. Everyone took turns saying what they wanted to say to her, and she teared, a teardrop here and there. But, when her best friend appeared, and started sobbing uncontrollably, started by saying, "I don't know what to say...you are much more to me than a sister", I saw my friend broke down, totally losing control, for a while time did stop, at least in the house. Nothing else mattered, only two best friends throwing away their dignity, their pride, both sobbing away uncontrollably, and one saying, "...you taught me how to laugh like I've never laughed before."
The funny thing about these two friends is how different they look, and how similar they both turn out to be. One has black hair, the other yellow; one is Asian, the other English; and yet I cannot find two individuals with more matching personalities than them.
Before their departure, everyone took turns hugging her and exchanging some words here and there, making jokes about both their countries being a stone's throw away, about how she should and must visit, about how the doors of their house will be open to her, about how there will always be a home away from home, waiting right here for her in Melbourne.
The thing is, yes, everyone will feel sad, everyone will feel loss. My friend has come a long way, from her initial reluctance to leave her hometown to come to Melbourne to study, to her longing for more time, more opportunities, about her missing her friends.
Maybe, once a while, they will keep in contact. They might even call each other. But, slowly, as time crawls to a week, a month, a year, the distance between them becomes unmistakable. They will go on living their lives, and all they will have is the memories of the past. Because they will no longer feature in her present.
What my friend did say was that I made her fat. What my friend did say was that I never knew how much I meant to her, more so than I could ever imagine. What my friend did say was that I am worth much more than I ever thought myself to be. What my friend did say was that no doubt we shall see each other again soon.
And, yet, what she didn't say remained the most obvious to me. Given time, and given distance, the two most unforgivable elements, one day she will mean no more to me than a footprint in my heart, and me as someone she used to be close to.
But, right now, at this very moment, with her departure, all of a sudden, I feel a gaping hole in my life.
Empty. No words to fill the void.
Why does this farewell feel so hard? Why does this farewell feel like goodbye forever?
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