the great wall of china wasn't built overnight, baby

HJ: 'Hey, did you know that a girl's menstrual cycle lasts 21 days, and then stops for a week?'

smartyypants: 'Gosh!!! You serious anot?!! I thought it's 7 days, and then it stops for 21 days, no meh?!'

HJ: 'NO! You bleed for 21 days, then stop for 7 days, and then the cycle continues again...(Hiya, like that also don't know ah! *shakes head*)'

smartyypants: '*Ponders on the meaning of life*'

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We've come a long way since that conversation over the phone one late night past eleven. Of course, we are no longer the innocent, uninformed kid bordering on teenage-hood. And, of course, the both of us now know that a girl's menstrual cycle lasts a total of 7 days or lesser, and NOT, like what my friend told me - 28 days.

I've only met HJ once since we graduated from primary school eight years ago. It was at a bus stop near my house, she was studying at the school just a bus stop away from where I lived. We said hello and she asked me if I still lived at the same place. And I said yes. Our total conversation lasted less than 5 minutes. And then we said our goodbyes. It bothered me how our close friendship had dawdled to just mere friendly chit-chat akin to the small talk you have with a stranger at a party. And, I never saw her again, until last Friday, six years later, over a reunion dinner.

We've come a long way since our most significant growing stages of our lives, where we would discuss that first peek of hair sprouting out from our underarms, that first trickle of blood down under that wasn't some skin abrasion due to careless scraping because we fell down on the hard ground, giggle over our transformation from kids to teenagers.

I get the same reaction when I meet HJ for the first time in six (if you count the 5-min bus-stop encounter) or eight years, the same kind of mind erection when I meet up with someone after a lengthy time lapse: Boy, have they all grown up! It seems like I'm the only one who hasn't changed a bit. I'm still the geeky, nerdy kid whom everyone tagged the '4-Eyed Chicken'. It's like I went into a self-enforced coma, and when I woke up, everyone around me had successfully transisted from that awkward growing phrase into a full-fledged young adolescent. I'm the only constant that remains.

One thing I remember most about HJ is that - how do I put this across in a nice way? - her male hormones tend to over-exceed her feminine ones. There was always something manly about her, despite her small, petite frame. Sure, she would hug girlfriends in a welcoming embrace, but the way she talked, her hand gesticulations - they were all so masculine.

And, while she used to deck out in shoddy, boyish clothing, she now dons a figure-hugging, short flowery dress, complete with a fashion statement I term the peek-a-boo bra strap.

Told you I'm the one that never ever changes. Ten years ago, nerdy dressing. Ten years later, still nerdy dressing. Only worse.

Over cheap food and drinks, we started talking about the bar saga sometime back. You know, the one where a lady past the age of 35 was rejected entry into a club?

HJ:'And the bouncer even told the lady that this was not an old folk's home?! What the hell! Can you imagine if we were her age, and tried entering the club and kena rejected?'

smartyypants: 'But, this is an ageist society mah.'

HJ: 'Yeah, I know, but you don't have to re-inforce the fact that this is an aesthetically-driven and ageist society, where people judge you by your appearances.'

After this topic ended, another friend of mine, Xian, started talking about how ugly this particular actor is, and I was like -

'Oh! You are re-inforcing the aesthetically-driven society!'

Seriously, how the fuck does one not be judged by the way you look or dress? It's impossible, one's impression of another is formed within two minutes of meeting each other. And, to top that up, my friend HJ was not practising what she preached.

When we were queuing up for our food, she said,

HJ: 'I have this friend who has a boyfriend. Who looks OK in photographs but in real life, he's like DAMN UGLY. I'm so worried for my friend.'

smartyypants: 'Why are you worried?'

HJ: Because my friend is like REALLY REALLY PREETTYYY? *sighs in exasperation

And, just minutes later, she was saying about how we shouldn't 're-inforce this aesthestically-driven society.'

Hello?! We all have our way of discriminating others. Maybe the club looks down on OLD people, but what about yourself? You look down on UGLY people. Does that make you any better than that club that denied entry for that woman, and said that she could enter, but there were no free drinks for her. Because, they are selling meat have a business to run and a business target audience and proposition to adhere to.

Here's my take on the whole saga: I personally don't promote such blatant discrimination, especially when it is used on women and not men. (to this, I say, men are like wine - they grow more tasteful with age, can't say the same for women. And, also, of course, of the aged-old sexist notion that a rich, old man can bag a sexy, young chick. As long as he got the moolah, baby) But, I have to agree with what the club did. (Note: NOT with the way the matter was handled - like saying they are not running a charity organisation etc etc.)

Why do I say this? I think it's just pure business. In the same way, that Louis Vuittion or say, some high-end brand offer snotty services to people who look like they can't afford the exorbitant goods in there.

The only reason why this case was being magnified is because of its high visibility. After all, why would people demand for little kids to be banned from cinema theatres? Isn't that the same as banning women above 35 for free flow of drinks on a Ladies' Night?

Oh, because little kids are such a nuisance, and you don't want to waste your S$7.50 hearing to a bunch of kids screaming and doing everything else except watching the movie in peace.

In the same vein of argument, the managers also have a business to run, and therefore they don't want to waste their drinks on a bunch of women whom they don't see any return benefits simply because old women do not have the same bountiful attractiveness quotient as say, someone in their 20's, to attract lustful male predators customers out there.

Of course, there are some exceptions. There are some women in their 30s or 40s who look way much more fabulous than say, an overweight, pimply 26-year-old lady.

I think that the reason behind the general public outrage is that clubs are objectifying women. Should it be any surprise that Ladies' Night is just another business model for clubs to avail women of their sexual attractiveness and use it as human bait to lure male customers?

There are discrimination everywhere in Singapore. Based on looks, size, appearance, social standing, financial reputation, everything. So, why should one cry foul on discrimination based upon one's age, and then turn round and say that they will never ever support so-and-so singer or actor because he looks fugly? Why create double standards, is what I want to ask?

The very same person that stomps around, lamenting this blatant display of age discrimination, penning a long complaint letter on an online forum, is probably just another statistic in a bunch of Singaporeans who discriminate people based on their race and religion, or looks and appearance, or both.

Of course, people are most probably arguing based on IDEALS, not reality or what is taking place in actuality. In an ideal world, one would not be judged or treated unfairly just because one is overweight. But, we must also understand that as individuals, we are also partly contributing to the discrimination. We look at someone fat and we think it's because the other party can't control his or her food intake, or is just plain lazy to simply work out. What if it runs in the genes? Have you ever thought about that?

And, even more obvious, as human beings, we can't possibly be perfect in every sense of the word. So why not stop going around preaching on the vantage point of the hill-top that you stand on called moral high ground, when you yourself is not practising what you preach? Hypocrite behaviour.

Oh, sorry, for a while I got carried away and forgot this was supposed to be a blog entry on a girls-night-out-reunion-dinner.

HJ, I feel, is not your average Singaporean. She studies in the US and her wild antics is not exactly the common local flavour. In fact, if we were speaking about flavour, hers is definitely not boring, old vanilla. Probably some wild-mixed flavour, like raspberry peanut. She speaks with an accent, albeit on vocals leaning towards a male whose voice has just broken.

She works as a relief teacher for the intellectually diabled kids. She's a teacher, yes. She has to teach. No. Instead, she doubles-up as babysitter or nanny, meaning she has to toilet-train them.

'Oh, that sounds exciting. So, what do you have to do?' I asked.

'Hit them when they are noisy? And ask them to keep quiet?' Xian quips.

'Hit them?! More like stopping them from hitting me!' HJ slashes out, before the three of us broke into giggly laughter.

So, I found out that she actually has to change underwear for the kids when they URINE or SHIT in their pants.

10 days of relief teaching, in which HJ has to do anything and everything but teach, and she can earn enough for a trip to Perth Australia. 'My Dad pays half of the fare, and I stay at a friend's house, simple.' She said when I asked her how she had enough money to fund her trips overseas. So, you see, she's very independent that way, a fancy-free, foot-loose teenager that has the mindset of an adult.

After the meet-up, I suddenly had a desperate longing for a meeting with real friends. I don't know how to put this across - but by, real friends I mean those that you can drop out of contact with for like 3 whole months, but when you meet up with them, it felt just like yesterday the both of you have seen each other.

I did feel this way when I met up with HJ and Xian, as we quickly found common topics to bitch and gossip about. But, real friends are those whom you know will still be there, by your side, at the end of the day.

I can't say the same thing for both my primary school friends. Sure, they were those whom I were the closest to, who shared every minutiae detail of my life with, but those were in the past. Somehow, I realized I (or, rather, we), missed the boat when we failed to keep in contact the very moment we graduated eight years ago, and all those lost moments? All I can say is that a lost friendship can't be rebuilt overnight chatting about age discrimination and My Girl.

Let's just say there were pockets of moments in between conversations that I wished I was somewhere else.