pulling through, you know it is worth every bit.

"I don't think anyone knows how to appreciate home
as much as when they are away from it."

Just within the span of less than a month, and I have witnessed two friends breaking down in front of me because they were lonely and missed home and their family very much.

In the first case, I was just talking random stuff with a friend, and she was telling me about all her problems, and how much she missed her mother, and there I was sitting there quietly listening as she talked, and then before I knew it, there were the first sign of tears. And, then, a whole stream of tears began falling down.

In the second case, I was happily singing Britney Spears 'Lucky' (please don't ask why) at K-Box when tears started streaming down my friend's face suddenly. Mariah Carey's 'Hero' made it worse.

Isn't it ironic how the people who have the most number of friends and the largest social circle are the same ones who cry themselves to sleep every night because they are so lonely?

The truth is, which foreign student doesn't miss their home? Which one doesn't suffer from bouts of loneliness? Which one truly can say that they don't miss their family or friends back home one bit?

I've been so homesick before that I even was prepared and willing to give up all my journalistic dreams, just to return to the place that I was so familiar with. I've been in a position where I hated myself so much for my dreams, blamed myself for it, and would do anything, everything to turn the clock back. I've been in a position where I regretted my decision so much, that I was willing to give myself the short end of the stick by signing up for a local university if I had a second chance. I've been in a position where I miss home so much and where everything doesn't seem right and I seem so lonely, and I walk around feeling empty and lost, and I would give up the whole world just to be back home.

I've been in a position where the biggest dream I've ever harbored was an air ticket back home on the earliest flight.

I've lost count of the number of times where I've regretted my decision to go for overseas studies, where three years seem to sketch out into an infinity, I've lost count of the number of times I've cried because I was so homesick, of the number of times when the light goes off, and I stare at the ceiling and think about home, and when I finally doze off and dream that I was back home only to wake up and have that rush of disappointment pour over me like wet rain.


But, I'm really glad.

Because I made it through. I pulled it through.

I can't say that I've fully gotten over that phrase, and I know it will get worse the moment I return home and have to say goodbye once again sometime next year, but at the very least, I know and I'm very clear, that my dream is worth it, that my dream is worth so much that three more times of the experience I went through is worth every bit.

And, that is when I truly realize, that I can't turn back.

我不可能再回头
我只能一直往前走