in a foreign land

I was having this long chat with one of my friend, David, and halfway through the conversation, he commented on his bad impression of Singaporeans. He then went on to accuse Singaporeans studying in Australia of being a cliquey bunch, unwilling to mix with locals and sticking to their own kind.

So, I asked him, "Why only Singaporeans? Aren't all Asians the same?"

"Yes."

"Aren't all Aussies the same?"

"Yes."

He then went on to argue his point. His rationale is that foreigners should take the responsibility of assimilating into the culture of the country that they are staying in. The onus is on Asians to take the first step to bridging the gap, and making friends with the Aussies.

"Let's say I visit Singapore, so I'm a visitor to your country, therefore it is my responsibility to extend the first hand of greeting. But, now, you guys are the ones coming into our country, and it is your responsibility to make that first step and try to blend in with our culture."

I commented that he made it sound all very easy, when in practice, most Aussies aren't willing to talk to Asians. And, there is always that fear of the unknown, that fear of talking to someone with a nationality that is alien from yours.

Being in a classroom that is filled with Aussies, and being the only Asian, I have to admit that sometimes I get the feeling that I have four eyes, six mouths and eight ears. It doesn't help when Aussies generally adopt a very Westernized perception of beauty, and being the only one in class wearing spectacles sometimes makes me feel like an alien invading Planet Earth.

After 5 months, I can say that Aussies are not a very friendly bunch. And, dare I say it -no, I won't say it, I won't even mention that they are racist - but the way they interact with Asians, that discriminating twinkle in their eyes, their lowering of voices, their changes in tones. DIFFERENT. That is all about I'm going to say. Different.

I did try convincing myself otherwise for a period of time. When my Singaporean friend lamented about the way her Aussie classmates treated her - "Yeah, it's okay if they don't talk to us Asians, because why should they, when we don't even try? But, when we try to be friendly, the very least they could do is reciprocate", when my Indonesian friend who tried striking up a conversation with an Aussie who entertained her with a flippant attitude before turning her attention back to her Aussie friends said, "Aussies can't even be bothered to talk to us. I don't even bother, I've given up trying." - still I didn't give up, trying, hoping.

I would even go so far as to say that me and one of my Asian friend has, on so many accounts, been the first to break the ice with our Aussie classmates. But, not ONCE, not ONCE, has a single Aussie classmate ever bothered to talk to us FIRST. Maybe, just like my friend David, they think that we have to do all the work since we are visitors to their country, and so we have to assimilate their culture? Well, how about looking at it from another angle? That they should do their duty as hosts, and invite us with a welcoming smile and an embracing attitude? I know this sounds condescending, but that's not my intention, I just don't know any other way of putting across such a crude concept benignly.

And, mind you, I'm not even talking in terms of individual experiences. I'm talking about Asian students' experiences in general. Yes, Asian students are sticky. Yes, Asian students only speak to their own kind. Yes, Asian students continue to communicate in their own native languages. But, what about Aussies? Aren't Aussies sticky? Don't Aussies only speak to their own kind? Don't Aussies only communicate in their own native language?

I used to feel really awful about the fact that Singaporeans hang out with Singaporeans, Malaysians hang out with Malaysians, Indonesians hang out with Indonesians, Vietnamese hang out with Vietnamese and so on. But, then I stopped to think. Isn't it the same for all Westerners? I see Aussies hanging out with Aussies, Brits hanging out with Brits, Italians hanging out with Italians. So, what right does anyone have to accuse us Asians of being sticky?

And, then, I ask myself a very simple question. Why should these Aussies even bother talking to me? Why should these Aussies even give me a damn? Why should they choose to talk to a Chinese girl from Singapore when there are so many of their kind around? Why should they choose to talk to someone wearing spectacles when there are so many wearing contact lenses around? Why should they talk to a yellow-skinned girl when there are so many white-skinned ones around?

Really, I've given up trying. Why should I even bother?

Alice Pung drove the point straight home in her article "Shunned in a strange land, we should offer them more" published in The Age on 17 August 2008. She wrote:

THEIR big apartment blocks are like pointed middle fingers scraping the Melbourne skyline. Their presence in our city is only tolerated because they bring money into our education system. They are anti-social, rich, young foreigners who "form ghettos and don't assimilate".

This is what is said about our international students, and these perceptions dangerously verge on the kind of racist rhetoric we thought had ended a decade ago. Worse, they are not true.

Orientation week is daunting and international students soon start to become invisible, because they do not go to pubs twice a week. Drinking makes my local students garrulous and extroverted — qualities that seem to earn acceptance and respect in Australia — but many international students come from cultures where drinking is not a social pastime.

There is a misconception that all international students are cashed-up because they pay the exorbitant fees that our government extracts from them. There is also the pointed accusation that international students do not "assimilate", but this is not always a choice they are able to make. They do not "form ghettos" — on the contrary, they are largely and deeply in our community, yet they are also largely ignored. They are the students who serve our meals in Chinatown, the people who drive our taxis. They are the lowest paid and often most exploited workers, unprotected by Australian workplace relations legislation. We refuse to see their toils because it does not accord with our image of how our overseas cash-calves should be.

Eventually, most find company and comfort in the presence of each other. No one seems to begrudge Western students latching on to other Westerners when studying in Asia and forming insular little expatriate communities to observe the locals as if they were sociological studies instead of people who are only separated by a different culture. But somehow, we in Australia seem to demand assimilation from our temporary visitors, instead of offering acceptance and understanding.

Many international students are acutely aware that their parents back home are breaking their backs and bank accounts to send them here. It is not their duty to assimilate: many of them come here, under no uncertain terms, for an education.

It is our duty to deliver that education, but perhaps it is also our obligation to show to our young overseas visitors that we are also a tolerant society — and that we see them.

A childish, immature reaction to this entry that I've tried to write as honestly as possible would be, "Get out of this country, then. If you hate Aussies so much, then get lost, go back to your own country." But, really, I don't blame them. When I was studying in Singapore, and there were exchange students from America (who of course only hung out with other exchange students from America), my Singaporean friend took one look at them and muttered under her breath disparagingly, "Just get lost back to your own country!" I was shocked and asked her, "Why?" And, she fired off a list of reasons, like them not being serious in their studies and drinking and partying hard all day.

So, my point is, if we can't welcome visitors to our country with embracing attitudes, then I prolly can't expect to be treated the same way when I'm visitor to another.

p.s./ I know this entry comes across as a bit ironic, given that David is an Aussie, and also that most Aussies I've met are really, really nice people. Maybe it just has to do with the Aussies studying in the media stream, especially those studying PR, huh? The stereotype that arts students tend to be a tad more bitchier? Or maybe I just have to try harder. Me. Not them.