Friday, March 16, 2007

my therapy. my pain.

But today I've realized that I've lived my life
with too many words left unsaid
emotions that will never be enunciated
but I'm finding it harder to remain silent

You made me on the verge of breaking down today
threatening to let my sorrow engulf me
to let my tears swallow me whole

But I tried again and again
to understand your intentions

but again and again
you take advantage of my silentness


how much longer can i hold my piece?


Some people never realize that they've left a hole deeper than a bullet shot in my heart with their careless words. Do you ever go through the words in your brain before you enunciate each vowel, before each cruel remark of yours leap off your unrestrained lips? The last thing I need now is any sort of conflict, so I shall just play along with you. But don't forget what you said to me in class today, that made a tear or two drop.

and yet my hurt remained an unresolved enigma
as the piercing scanting words of yours
left denting impressions on my heart,
like an iron pressing against flesh
and threatened to combat with my emotions
I'm on a solitary battle
and i want to surrender
before I end up with more bruises
and the eternal hurt in my heart

Someone once said that one will never know whether I'm feeling down, because I look forever morose, so it wouldn't make any difference. Many times, I choose not to let my emotions show, so as not to worry those around me. But, apparently, it didn't make any difference to them. A fortune teller once said to me that I can spend my entire life trying to smile, but my fate dictates that I am destined to have a gloomy face that more often than not, doesn't reflect my actual feelings. I like to think of myself as a happy-go-lucky person, there aren't many things that ruffle my feathers, and I'm happy as long as I'm not unhappy. But, when can I stop telling myself that it's OK, when it's not? When can I stop hallucinating a better tomorrow, when my tomorrow paints such a gloomy picture?

Really, how many would have seen the tears that created a stirring pandemonium in me today? I'm increasingly finding it difficult to deal with such blatant display of favouritism.

Two more weeks
and my misery in hell is gonna be writing its final statement.

p.s. don't remind me anything about this, otherwise I will never forgive you.

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