迟来的感动

太沉迷于寂寞
突如其来的感动
有点不太习惯

As I was about to leave my house for school today, my grandma said to me, "Are you wearing two pieces of clothing?"

"Ya. Why?"

"You look fat."

What a nice way to start your day. I was positive that the rest of my day would be as pleasant as it started out.

What I didn't know was that Fate decided to go all out to prove me right.

No. I'm kidding.

Then, as I was about to board the MRT, my friend sent me an sms which went,

"later if we go break together, then i can quietly put e bk in her bag while you wait outside w her :)"

No prizes for guessing that the receiver of the sms wasn't supposed to be me. I made a mental note to make things difficult for my friends by NOT leaving my bag unattended. Heh.

Still. I got fooled. Well, only initially.

When my friend wanted to go to the loo, and ended up literally dragging me towards the "Dark Room".

When you ask me if I enjoyed my birthday celebrations,
is there any other answer to that other than "yes"?

Just like when you ask a person, "How are you?"
Do you really need to hear, "Bad. I stepped on dog poo this morning, fell into a man-made hole on my way to school, and my train was disrupted for 40 minutes all because some kindred spirit decided to choose that holy hour to commit suicide by jumping onto the MRT tracks. And, if that's not enough, there's an idiot right now who is asking me how my sucky day went, when all I wanna do is go home right now!"

No. No one really wanna hear the truth.
So, don't bother asking.

This year is special. It's the year when the MOST number of classmates actually bothered to wish me a "happy birthday". Which just goes to show what an anti-social freak I am. Unknowingly, I also realized that many knew the actual date of my birthday each year, but few actually made acknowledgement of it.

But, still.
很遗憾没有得到她的祝福。

I guess you don't notice some things until it's gone.

It's funny, isn't it? My simple wish, for a simple "happy birthday" from someone is laced with such irony, even I find it laughable.

What you didn't know is that she remained the ONLY one in my class that never forgot my birthday fell on the 06/12.

To 8 UNLIMITED's credit, they had made pre-birthday plans 3 months in advance, and even though it wasn't EXACTLY a SURPRISE, I think IT IS THE CLOSEST I HAVE EVER GOTTEN TO A REAL BIRTHDAY PARTY.

Something I have always yearned, but due to my anti-social nature, I had it good as long as someone remembers my birthday. I must admit it's pretty depressing, witnessing my classmates' grand and flamboyant birthday parties cum gatherings. I can't really describe that kind of feeling, except that it's a cross-over between envy and jealousy, although I'll be quick to admit that it leans more towards the feelings of the green-eyed monster.

I don't know why, but today I made a promise to myself,

"One day, I want the whole world to wish me a happy birthday."

I guess every single atom of my being screams of my discontentment to settle for anything less. It's the same theory of a poor person yearning to be living the high life, counting the big bucks...But, when such a day comes by, will I really be happy?

Because what if the whole world wishes me a happy birthday, but I still feel alone at the end of the day?

It's like giving me the whole world, but I still have nothing to my worth at the end of the day.

I'm grateful for the party today for one simple reason. People whom I'm not really close to coming together for a common cause for my sake, it's kind of touching isn't it? I wonder if people can really put aside their differences and work together towards a common goal. For me, professional-wise, yes. But personal-wise, I'll never be able to get past that big obstacle, that is myself.

For a while, I even convinced myself that perhaps it's time to lay aside personal differences. But, I shouldn't even go there, it's not great "piercing your flesh and opening up fresh wounds".

Especially so when the wounds haven't yet recovered. Ouch.

It's 12:05am. I feel that I'm no longer Cinderella, and my glamorous coach has transformed back into a rotting, orange pumpkin not fit for consumption.

But, you know what?

It's alright, because I'll still be the Princess I am, tomorrow and forever, Yay!

Although my friend would have me know that

Nothing is forever.