The Break-Up

I'm totally disgusted by some sick and selfish guys out there.

And, yes, maybe you're right. I'm too young to understand, too young to comprehend, too young to know why girls still stick out with their guys who doesn't give two hoots about them. At least, not enough.

Apparently, my friend is one such person. So, I asked her a few questions.

Q: Your boyfriend is not treating you very well. So why don't you let go? Why are girls not willing to break off with their selfish boyfriends?
A: When you have invested so much (youth, feelings) in a relationship, you will not bare to see it crumble. You will expect to see returns when you have put in so much effort and feelings into the relationship. Even though he is unable to meet certain expectations, but there are things that he does...

She goes on to say that she closes an eye on certain matters. And she understands that his biggest weakness is the "cruel" words he uses. Still, there are the sweet things that he does on Valentine's Day and their 1st anniversary blah blah blah...

When she said that, I was reminded of Jolin Tsai's "睜一隻眼 閉一隻眼 (Overlooking Purposely)". I guess for a relationship to work, both parties have to learn to shut an eye to certain matters pertaining to the overall well-being of the relationship. Makes sense, no?

Q: It's been said that when you love someone, you give without expecting anything in return. Otherwise, it's an investment, not love. What are your views on this?

A: There is no noble love in this world. When you show a person love, you expect reciprocation. In a situation where girls are sacrificing for their guys and they are not getting the same commitment (it's a form of security) back, it's rather sad. When you let go, the guy who once was such an important fixture in your life, then becomes a nobody. It's a girl's common notion that if they let go, they can find someone better. But, at the same time, they are not willing. For girls in a relationship, they tend to be on the losing end. Girls hope to be the guy's last, guys hope to be a girl's first.

Q: What is the most mean thing your guy has ever done to you?

A: Once I wanted to introduce my friend to my boyfriend's friend. (playing matchmaker) In the end, my boyfriend ended up striking a long conversation with my friend, while I sat at the corner sulkingly. I am someone who gets jealous easily. After that, my boyfriend offered to send them home, which made me even angrier. Shouldn't it be his friend sending her home instead? 到底 who is getting introduced to whom?!!

Finally, she ends off the interview with a statement,

"要是我的男朋友是个哑巴, 他会是个完美情人。"

A famous artist once said, "爱情不存在, 唯存在的是愛情的证据。"

Loosely translated as: "Love doesn't exist, all that exists is the proof of love". My immediate reaction is 迷惑 (puzzled) , just like most people.

Ning: "What do you feel after hearing about this?"

Me: " 迷惑 loh."

Ning: "Yeah! But when you delve deeper into its meaning, you will realize that what he says makes a lot of sense." Her explanation? That all that exists of a past relationship are the photographs you've taken together, the gifts from him blah blah blah...but there's no love. In her opinion, love is "fake" because it doesn't last, and "how can something which doesn't last be real?"

"Look at your mother and father," Ning said, "Do you think they are still in love with each other, after so many years?"

"No." I replied.

"Precisely! I don't see any love between my parents now. All that's left is the proof of their love, me. But is there any more love between them? No."

Well, I told her that even though there was no love between my parents, I could definitely feel love from my grandparents. How so? I said my grandma took good care of my grandpa and I thought they still hold hands (I can't really remember) , to Ning's wide-eyed amazement.

"A lot of old couples do that!" I said, which is very true, I do see a couple of old folks holding hands strolling the streets.

"That isn't love," Ning replied flatly, "It's more of a reliance than love. More of a support rather than love. You see, when they are old, their children have all grown up and left them to lead their own lives. They only have each other for company. It's more of a 'this person is gonna be the one to accompany me to walk the last stages of my life' than love."

I remarked that her 愛情观念 (love philosophy) is very 绝对 (extreme). And it doesn't apply to everyone.

"Maybe." She said.

So, I asked her, "Then, in your opinion, how long can love last?"

Her reply: "Maybe two to three years?"

Me: "!!!!!!!! SO short?!" (有没有搞錯?!!!) I expected longer, like maybe you know, 7 years??? (due to the seven year itch, HAHAHAA)

Ning said, "Because you have to face the same person everyday...! Eat, sleep, blah blah blah..."

Drats! What if she's right?!!