As if I need any more evidence as to how much of a prude I am, there my ex-classmates are, frolicking under the Sentosa sun in their skimpy beachwear and short shorts, propped by their frail, anorexic frames. With their suggestive poses targeted at lesbianism (it's supposed to be cool, hunny), their lobster-coloured faces which hint of more than a pint of alcohol, their mascara-laden eyelashes and their skinny bodies weighted down by heavy, bulky jewellery.
Excuse me, is this what is supposed to be hot?
Then, sorry to disappoint you, I'm somewhat of a prude.
Have the young, giggly schoolgirls I've known during my secondary days matured into full-grown adults? All of them seem to sport the same sultry/slutty look, with the same 45-angle tilt of their heads to pose for the camera lens, the same drugged/drunked look, the same low-cut dresses and the same Rainie Yang pout. Some are beyond recognisable, you would have thought they have merged into someone different altogether.
Excuse me, have I been left way behind during the emergence of these camera whores?
I'm 18 (going on 19), for goodness sake! Then, why do I feel like a conservative, old granny with her ancient way of thinking lagging behind modern society, instead of the young, opinionated teenage lass I'm supposed to be?
Sigh, I'm suffering from the demise of my search for self-identity, and slowly conforming into the mould society has moulded for me. What if I don't fit in? Am I forever going to be known as the nerd with four eyes and always carrying a pile of books, topping the class with good grades and combined with a penchant for walking with her head facing the ground?
This is bad! I need to do something about my self-image, I don't want to always be known as the socially-awkward member of society.
I need to start wearing lipstick.
I need to start wearing ten-inch stilettos.
I need to find a boyfriend accessory.
I need to find friends who are perpetual camera whores.
I need to wear contact lenses.
I need to dye my hair brown.
I need to start being obsessed with my looks.
I need to start having self-praise for myself because I'm god-damned the most beautiful creature God every created. (Yeah, right)
I need to start failing my exams.
I need to start clubbing.
I need to start partying.
I need piercings/tattoos.
I need to start talking about plastic surgery. A lot. Oh, wait, I already am. Ok, I need to start talking about it in a positive light, then.
I need to lose some of my brains.
And, while I'm at that, I need to lose some weight as well.
Then, also hor, I have to re-set my blog settings such that when you right-click on any of my navigation links, the words "I'm Beautiful" will pop up. Sigh, there are so many things to do to revamp myself into plastic Barbie lar! I haven't even touched on the topic of Ken yet...(ok, later...maybe not)
I need to set up a wishlist on my sidebar, then I cannot write things like "The Da Vinci Code" or "Your Dummy's Guide to Physics" or like what I did the last time, "The Nightmare Before Christmas alarm clock". Instead, I must write things like "Prada handbag" or "Mac concealer" or "XX Brand moisturiser"...and then, of course, not forgetting the all-important priority -> PLASTIC SURGERY...aiyo, Barbie won't be complete without the plastic mah. What, you idiotic lah, you think Barbie made of Mattel human flesh ar ! Pfftph! Flesh will rot and sag, but plastic...nair mind...
Oh no! So many things to do, so little time!
[To my readers: Believe it or not, the above paragraph were all written with my fictional imagination, based on my own self-perception of people who chase beauty and material posessions and nothing else. The moment I turned my head, I surfed the web and chanced upon someone's blog which fulfilled all the criterion I've stated above. Yes, including plastic surgery at the age of 21. Heh..fiction versus reality, they may be closer than you think.]
Oh yeah, not to forget hor, I have to STOP writing this kind of articles in my blog. Instead, I have to talk about how beautiful I am, then take A LOT of pictures of myself and post them all over my blog. And, then, I have to blog 24/7 about my darhling Ken, and instead of dissing Bimbos, I have to lavish them with praise, because you see, even though I'm supposed to be Bimbotic but I have enough brains to know that I shouldn't diss my own alter ego, right anot? *rolls eyes conceitedly* I must have full confidence in myself, and must always remember to have self-praise for bimbos. Who cares about non-bimbos? They are just fugly people with low self-esteem.
And, then, not forgetting that I have to post pictures of myself with NO make-up on, and then proceed to brag to others how I still look like God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On My Face, EVEN with NO make-up on. Cannot cannot, sorry, if I really want to change myself hor, then I must STOP writing in proper English, after that no more credibility liao mah, ryt not...That girl really bitch man, I hate her. She think she so pretty, KNN, ask her go eat shit..Btw, I went Bugis with Sherlyn yesterday, ate at this Japanese restaurant (forgot wat is the name liao)...after tt went to buy b'dae present for Kathereen...ok, I gtg, bye!
Well, not to worry, the very first thing I need to do is start wearing lip gloss and STOP walking around with my grossly dry, cracked lips. Next, I need to start looking in the mirror more often (everywhere I go, my reflection in the MRT underground, glossy surfaces and outside exteriors of shops etc.). Then, I have to start practising the trademark pout -> which, basically, is to focus all the muscles around your mouth to one concentrated area: the peak of your lips. Easy, enough? Either that, or I have to start sticking out my tongue and blink one eye in every other photo-taking session. (Hey! All bimbos do that!) Next, I need to shed off my nerdy spectacles and replace it with supposedly cool shades that cover half of my face.
想要改变外在美，很难！
想要改善内在，难上加难！
For the sake of my self-image, I have to STOP looking like goody-two-shoes Hilary Duff and start transforming into the next lady tramp, Lindsay Lohan.
There's something I'm not very sure about though...I have no idea how to cool-speak. Do you say stuff like, "Yo, Mama!" or something? I have no idea...but I know I have to STOP typing 3/4 of my smses in full english.
"Kk...I have to see if I will be able to make it, will gif u a call tml."
have to become
"Kk...I c if i wil b able 2 mak it, gif u buzz tml."
I have a question here, who doesn't know that "give me a buzz" means "to ring up or give the other party a call"? The last time (ok, actually, 2 years ago) someone said to me to give her "a buzz"...and I went,
"I'm sorry, give you a what?"
"Give me a buzz."
I looked at her as though she were crazy, why would she want me to give her a bumblebee?
"A buzz." She repeated.
Images of bumblebees and mosquito bites remained in my mind.
Finally, she said, exasperated. "A call. Give me a call."
Oh! Ooi, please lah, want me to call you then just say the words C-A-L-L lah, what for buzz here buzz there, I have no idea what that means. (ok, now, I do.)
Ahh, so the true meaning of cool-speak is to speak in a language that no one can understand, to show that you are a cut above the rest because you lingo speak, and have so much linguistic talent in you ozzing out, like apple fillings ozzing out of a pie.
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After saying so much, everyone knows that I will still remain the nerd that I am, and whatever that is written above was in good humour. I have a friend who told me that she tried to shed off her geeky image by purposely failing her exams. She wanted to fit in. Who knows better than me how nerds and good grades will always be associated and misconstrued to fit into the same sentence?
Once, someone said in front of me to my friend that I was a nerd. (Not in a bad way, of course)
I asked her, "Why do you say I am a nerd?"
She replied, "Because you always get good grades mah."
Does being a food lover make you a glutton? Does being skinny make you an aneroxic? Does getting good grades make you a nerd?
Sadly, yes.
What we know as right or wrong are all perceptions or angles of reality that mass media and the public have craved out for us. Maybe, it's time to break out of that mould.
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