The Long and Short about My Not-Very-Smart Maid

Everyone, I have a very, very sad piece of news for you all today. And, that is, as of today, 9 Feb 2007, our family is still stuck with the same maid.

Well, as they say, at the end of the tunnel you will find light. This light, that I'm talking about, is the very funny tales that I shall share with you nice guys today.

All of the conversations were painfully exasperating at the time when it happened, but outrageously funny upon reflection.

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Well, I had a job interview some time ago, but had left the house forgetting to bring the address of the company along with me. So, I called home, and the maid answered the phone.

In the end, I spent a good half-an-hour just to get the company address out from the maid.

Me: You know, the classifieds newspapers two days ago, can you turn it to the last page?

Maid: (ruffling sounds of her turning the pages of the newspaper can be heard over the phone. Her modus operandi? Turning the newspaper from page one onwards, page two...page three.....)

Me: (exasperated) Can you please just turn to the last page? THE LAST PAGE? (Sounds of her flipping pages continue, page four, page five, page six...)

Me: Erm, you don't have to start from page one, you know? Can you please just turn to the LAST PAGE of the newspaper?!

Maid: Yes, last page, last page...(continue flipping) I no found yet...

Me: Ok, you turn to the last page, did you see that I scribbled down the address at the bottom?

Maid: (No answer, flipping of newspaper continues)

Me: HELLO?! Please turn to the last page! THE LAST PAGE! Listen to me, don't flip anymore, just turn to the very last page.

Maid: Yeah, yeah, I looking for....(flipping of newspaper continues)

Me: Ok, are you at the last page yet? Ok, do you see at the last page, I used the pen to draw many circles? Can you read out to me what is inside the circle?

Maid: Don't have, don't have. I no found yet...(flipping of newspaper continues)

Me: (feels like straggling myself) No, no. OK, OK. Listen to me. LAST PAGE. Repeat after me. Last page. Last page. Last page. (I suddenly feel like a kindergarten teacher teaching a bunch of toddlers the alphabets.) (no answer)

Me: (Breathes in, breathes out) OK, OK. LISTEN TO ME. At the last page of the newspaper, I got use pen to circle right? Circle one, circle two, circle three, circle four, circle five, and circle six....Okay, can you read out to me the words in the circles?

Maid: Six?! Okay, okay. Page one, page two, page three.......yes, page six! But, no have....

Me: NO, NO, NO! Not page six!!! Last page of the newspaper! LAST PAGE. Repeat after me. LAST PAGE. LAST PAGE. LAST PAGE. Turn to the last page of the newspaper.....Now do you see the circles that I draw using pen? A lot of circles, one circle, two circle.......

Maid: no have....ok wait....page six...telemarketer.....OH! STORE KEEPER IS IT?!

Me: (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (hangs up phone)

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Sister: Can you help me get my i-pod from downstairs, the white colour one, remember?

Maid: Oh.....okay, okay. (Maid goes downstairs, and reappears with a cup of iced water)

Maid: Here, your iced water.

Sister: No, no, no! i-pod, i-pod, not iced water! The white colour one! (Maid goes downstairs, and reappears with a white cup)

Maid: Here, your white cup.

Sister: No, no. My i-pod, I-POD, I-POD!

Maid: Wardrobe?! No la! Wardrobe too heavy la, cannot carry upstairs!

Sister: i-pod, i-pod, i-pod, you know the one that can listen music?

(Maid goes downstairs, and reappears with a pair of spoilt earphones)

Sister: .... (speechless)

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Sister: Did you see my school socks?

Maid: (nods head) Yes, okay. You want two japanese chicken for breakfast tomorrow, right?

Sister: ...

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(Dad is lying on the sofa in the room, maid also in the same room)

Maid starts searching frantically high and low around the room for a long period of time. Suddenly, Dad gets frustrated and asks her, "What exactly are you looking for?"

Maid's answer is this.

"OH, SIR! You are here! I am looking everywhere for you. I cannot find you!"

Dad: ... (speechless)

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