How to Hold A Conversation With A Bimbo For More Than 10 Minutes

Actually, make that 10 seconds.

Seriously, I would be at a total loss on how to strike up a conversation with an airhead. I mean, besides make-up and stuff, what intelligent topics do they chat about? None, that’s right, which is also why bimbos only talk to bimbos. Ok, that is such an unfair generalisation, but I simply do not have it in me to fathom what stuff they can actually talk about. Imagine if I were to have a conversation with a bimbo.

Bimbo: Hey, what’s up, babe?

Smartyypants: Hey, you know what, you look kinda pretty today. But, only kinda of. It’s really nothing compared to me.

Bimbo: (doesn’t get the insult and says) I know. I have these really pretty shoes. And, oh, oh, wait till you see that gorgeous pink outfit I bought the other day at LV. David is succcccchhhhaa darrrrlinng. (smacks her lips satisfyingly)

Smarttypants: Really. Gaawwwd, the outfit that you’re wearing…(makes a face) it’s so yesterday.

Bimbo: That’s right. I bought that outfit yesterday. How did ‘ya noe, anyway?

That’s why I feel that the only person fit to talk to a bimbo is another bimbo.

Bimbo 1: Hey, what’s up, babe?

Bimbo 2: Nothing. What’s up with you?

Bimbo 1: Nothing much. Been hanging around.

Bimbo 2: (checks her reflection in the mirror and screams)

Bimbo 1: What? What?!! (starts to panic)

Bimbo 3: What is going on here?!!

Bimbo 1: (points to Bimbo 2, who at this moment, is pointing at the mirror and screaming in a panicky voice) I know! I know! Heart attack! She must be having a heart attack! Quick, call an ambulance!!!

Bimbo 3: (whips out her phone) Ok…let’s see…great….ok….(looks up) What’s the number to call an ambulance?

Bimbo 1: (frowns) Well…I’m not too sure 'bout that... Ahhh!!! (brightens up) I do know the number of my manicurist, tho’!

Bimbo 3: Ok, great. Quick! Ring her up!

Bimbo 1: Ok…let’s see (punches in the number)

They call up the manicurist, who in turn calls up the ambulance. The ambulance arrives at the scene. Everyone crowds around the 3 bimbos. There is a lot of loud chattering among the crowds.

Bimbo 2: (finally quietens down amidst all the commotion) What the fuck is going on?!

Bimbo 1: She’s fine! (hugs Bimbo 2) She’s recovered!

Bimbo 2: (in a puzzled and slightly annoyed tone) What are you saying?! (scowls) Recovered?!! I haven’t REcovered! That darn pimple is still on my forehead!

Ok, back to the main topic, which is: 5 grand tips on how to hold a conversation with a bimbo for more than 10 minutes.

OFFENSIVE MATERIAL AHEAD! =))

ONE: Try using simple words. No bombastic and dramatic usage of words, pls. And no suan-ing, it will just blow past her airhead.

TWO: No jokes, pls. Bimbos in general have no sense of humour and they are likely to take offence at the slightest jokes.

THREE: Focus on superficial topics, like hair, make-up, shoes. You can also discuss with them the various branded goods and designer wear. These are the people to look for if you want to know what kind of hairstyle suits you best, where are the cool places to hang out (where all the guys all) and who is the best plastic surgeon in town.

FOUR: Compliment her on her dressing/her face lift/shoes etc. Chances are she'll spend the next 10 minutes boasting about her mini skirt/no. of botox surgeries/Jimmy Choos.

FIVE: Talk about her boyfriend(s). Most probably some short and fat guy with a protruding tummy and receding hairline. White hair, even. And married. Maybe, dying, even.