My ambition is to be a great...er, housewife!

Over two cups of bubble tea, my friend and I were talking about our ambitions.

Apparently, her ambition is to be a good housewife, to stay home and take care of the kids, because in her own words, "Family is first priority."

I said, "To be a housewife, you have to find a husband first to marry, right?"

To which, she agreed. She then said that her ideal marriage age is 24, 25, 26, 27, 28. By the age of 28, she die die must get married! Not surprising, coming from where she is, where girls usually get married before they hit 25.

"Because when you're 29, no man will want you!" She said.

She then told me she had a cousin who was 29 years old and still unattached. Afraid she would be left on the shelf, she requested for matchmaking sessions and some recommendations. Unfortunately, when guys knew her age, they didn't want her anymore.

It's a realistic world we are leaving in, baby! 男人是下半身思考的动物！In this way, girls will always be superior to guys. While girls tend to go for character in a guy, guys tend to go for looks in a girl! Hahaha! No choice, guys cannot help it but to be attracted to better-looking girls!

My friend was beginning to sound a bit presumptuous with regards to the degree of control she had over her future. So, I asked her, "What if at 24, you haven't met the right one. At 25, you still haven't met the right one. At 26, you have a boyfriend but he dumps you at the age of 28? What are you going to do? Are you going to go on your knees and go, "Oh, please, please. Don't break off with me because I die die have to get married by the age of 28!!"

Listen up! My friend's reply is that if she doesn't get married by the age of 28, she's prepared to become a nun. This coming from someone who places family as her first priority.

Is my friend really going to shave her head bare, read prayers from the Buddhist's teachings everyday in a temple, and close all eyes and completely detach herself from worldly concerns, her family, her friends, her career...I dread to think about the day when I have to climb up hills and hills of mountains to reach a temple with my friend inside and ask her, "Wanna go for a cup of bubble tea?" Only to have her completely ignore me.

So, anyway, she told me "yeah, because if she really becomes a nun, she would have to focus all her energies and be completely devoted to God and it's teachings." According to her, she asked permission from her mother, who replied, "Go ahead."

Now I know why my friend has such weird thinkings.

She doesn't even want to go for further studies anymore, because her ambition is to be a mother and a housewife. I asked her how she was going to survive in Singapore if she only has a diploma to speak of.

To which, she replied, "I won't marry a Singaporean. I've thought about it before, my husband will be an Indonesian...So, yeah, we can fly to Indonesia and carry on with our lives there. The living expenses there aren't so high."

Again. My friend talks about her future as though she already knows what is in store for her. As though she is her own freaking fortune teller. Even fortune tellers' predictions can go wrong.

My reply, "So, you start dating this Singaporean guy, and he brings you on a trip to Paris and proposes to you on the top of Eiffel Tower.

You tell him, 'Sorry, hunnyy, you are great. Really. Seriously. Honestly. It's just...just that you are a Singaporean. You see, I must marry an Indonesian..I really hope you understand, because my ambition is to become a housewife...' "

Really. Even though she's my friend, I wonder what goes on in that brain of hers sometimes.

How to Hold A Conversation With A Bimbo For More Than 10 Minutes

Actually, make that 10 seconds.

Seriously, I would be at a total loss on how to strike up a conversation with an airhead. I mean, besides make-up and stuff, what intelligent topics do they chat about? None, that’s right, which is also why bimbos only talk to bimbos. Ok, that is such an unfair generalisation, but I simply do not have it in me to fathom what stuff they can actually talk about. Imagine if I were to have a conversation with a bimbo.

Bimbo: Hey, what’s up, babe?

Smartyypants: Hey, you know what, you look kinda pretty today. But, only kinda of. It’s really nothing compared to me.

Bimbo: (doesn’t get the insult and says) I know. I have these really pretty shoes. And, oh, oh, wait till you see that gorgeous pink outfit I bought the other day at LV. David is succcccchhhhaa darrrrlinng. (smacks her lips satisfyingly)

Smarttypants: Really. Gaawwwd, the outfit that you’re wearing…(makes a face) it’s so yesterday.

Bimbo: That’s right. I bought that outfit yesterday. How did ‘ya noe, anyway?

That’s why I feel that the only person fit to talk to a bimbo is another bimbo.

Bimbo 1: Hey, what’s up, babe?

Bimbo 2: Nothing. What’s up with you?

Bimbo 1: Nothing much. Been hanging around.

Bimbo 2: (checks her reflection in the mirror and screams)

Bimbo 1: What? What?!! (starts to panic)

Bimbo 3: What is going on here?!!

Bimbo 1: (points to Bimbo 2, who at this moment, is pointing at the mirror and screaming in a panicky voice) I know! I know! Heart attack! She must be having a heart attack! Quick, call an ambulance!!!

Bimbo 3: (whips out her phone) Ok…let’s see…great….ok….(looks up) What’s the number to call an ambulance?

Bimbo 1: (frowns) Well…I’m not too sure 'bout that... Ahhh!!! (brightens up) I do know the number of my manicurist, tho’!

Bimbo 3: Ok, great. Quick! Ring her up!

Bimbo 1: Ok…let’s see (punches in the number)

They call up the manicurist, who in turn calls up the ambulance. The ambulance arrives at the scene. Everyone crowds around the 3 bimbos. There is a lot of loud chattering among the crowds.

Bimbo 2: (finally quietens down amidst all the commotion) What the fuck is going on?!

Bimbo 1: She’s fine! (hugs Bimbo 2) She’s recovered!

Bimbo 2: (in a puzzled and slightly annoyed tone) What are you saying?! (scowls) Recovered?!! I haven’t REcovered! That darn pimple is still on my forehead!

Ok, back to the main topic, which is: 5 grand tips on how to hold a conversation with a bimbo for more than 10 minutes.

OFFENSIVE MATERIAL AHEAD! =))

ONE: Try using simple words. No bombastic and dramatic usage of words, pls. And no suan-ing, it will just blow past her airhead.

TWO: No jokes, pls. Bimbos in general have no sense of humour and they are likely to take offence at the slightest jokes.

THREE: Focus on superficial topics, like hair, make-up, shoes. You can also discuss with them the various branded goods and designer wear. These are the people to look for if you want to know what kind of hairstyle suits you best, where are the cool places to hang out (where all the guys all) and who is the best plastic surgeon in town.

FOUR: Compliment her on her dressing/her face lift/shoes etc. Chances are she'll spend the next 10 minutes boasting about her mini skirt/no. of botox surgeries/Jimmy Choos.

FIVE: Talk about her boyfriend(s). Most probably some short and fat guy with a protruding tummy and receding hairline. White hair, even. And married. Maybe, dying, even.

为什么我那么喜欢追星 Part II

Imagine sitting in an office, in front of some wired-up device, with the air-conditioner blowing into your face at full blow. Everyday, from Monday to Friday, 9 to 5, you repeat the same boring routine. You sit at your desk all day long, facing this mechanical device of a computer...Yawn.

Next, imagine this. You, on an airplane, flying to LA on an all-expenses paid trip to interview some A-list Hollywood actor/actress. When your plane has landed, you head straight for the press conference, gather enough information for your write-up, go back to your hotel to draft your article, maybe go sight-seeing a bit, if time permits....

Which kind of lifestyle would you like to lead?

Fame and fortune can lead people to do crazy things, have crazy ideas, have wider boundaries...

For example, if a typical Singaporean Ah-Boy does well for his exam, what would his parents reward him with? If he comes from a well-to-do family, maybe praises and expensive gifts will be lavished upon him. If he comes from a lower-income family, maybe his mother will whip up a mean dish for him. However, if you were the son of a wealthy Hollywood actress, what is Mummy gonna say to you?

"If you score well for this test, I will reward you by letting you sleep with a prostitute."

Oh, wow. I wonder how many Ah-Boys in Singapore will jump to that offer to sleep with a whore? Still, I must applaud the mother for coming up with such a creative way to gratify her son...I'm sure many guys in Singapore will appreciate if their mothers had just a quarter of her sense of humour.

Seriously, as much as the moral integrity in me disagrees with the mother's method of gratifying her child, it is people like these that make the world a more colourful place. If people like you and me are the common, monotonous blue sky that sketches miles and miles across our horizon, then celebrity is that elusive rainbow that comes out every once in a while to brighten our day. With their controversial quotes and actions, glamorous (sometimes disastrous) dressing (not to mention wardrobe malfunctions) and the constant over-grinding gossip mill to feed every human's insatiable appetite for gossip (as long as it is not about them). I know, uber cheesy analogy. Whatever.

The fact remains that people almost always are interested in the life of the rich and famous. That is because they lead a life different from most of us, and they are an avenue for us to fantasize and dream about living the high life. Getting the coolest boyfriends, flying the private jet, lapping up high luxuries like branded goods and getting the five-star treatment etc. And the presence of celebritydom proves that such a life is possible, albeit highly unattainable. But, still, that doesn't change the fact that people dream big, does it? No, it doesn't. The long queues formed at the Toto store near my workplace is proof enough.

It's true that many celebrities hate the media, especially the hound-dogs (狗仔队)。Because these people invade into their privacy. We've often seen extensive media coverage of celebs beating up the paparazzi and making statements like, "All that clicking (courteousy of cameramen) is making me go crazy!" But, yet, what many people do not understand is that many celebs use the paparazzi as a tool, or should I say weapon, to get their way. Hello, which celeb in their right frame of mind, would go to The Ivy just to have a peaceful dinner with her fiance?? Everyone knows that paparazzi is stationed at the The Ivy 24/7, and it makes sense that sometimes these celebs have a certain purpose in mind that they hope to be able to throw into the limelight...for example, a new boyfriend, a new engagement ring, the size of their ring; for various purposes eg. more publicity for their upcoming movie, or they have a new album in stores, and so on...

Some celebs who call themselves "realists" admits that the paparazzi is beneficial to them, especially when they are promoting a new film or album. Hey, you can't have your pie and eat it, right? God is fair. You lose some, you gain some. They lose their privacy, in return for the big bucks, living the big life and get to appear on the big screen. Hey, that's a fair exchange, if you ask me. The old saying, "Bad news is better than no news" and another one that says something like, "If you want to create news, the paparazzi works wonders."

Ok, I know I know, there's no such quote.

Some people, and I'm referring to struggling actors and actresses, only stand to lose when they pursue an acting profession in the entertainment industry. They lose as in they lose their privacy, they can't go outdoors without people staring and pointing because they are a familiar face, but yet they are not famous enough to get the endorsements rolling in. They are not getting the pie and they are not eating it. It's a lose-lose situation. In other words, they are not getting back their money.

Not getting back their money. Ok, that brings me to another point, I really feel it's hard being an artiste in Singapore. Firstly, there are too many local snobs around that dare I say, look down, on local celebrities just because they are not as big as their Hollywood counterparts. Just the other day, I was telling a colleague of mine that I was going to see Fiona Xie. Her reply? "For what? Why would you waste your time? It's not like Fiona Xie is Jolin Tsai!"

The saying (yes, another one) "If Singaporeans don't support their own fellow countrymen, how can we expect foreigners to support them?" So wrong. I say, for Singaporean artistes, stay in Singapore and no one will give a shit. Go overseas, make it big, come back, and your local fellowmen will start looking up to you. I will come up with a new quote of myself, "If Singaporeans don't go overseas to make it big, how can they expect our fellow countrymen to support them?" Makes more sense, doesn't it? I know at least one Singaporean artiste that will agree with my statement. None other than Tanya Chua.

In the latest issue of 8 DAYS' interview with Tanya, the usually outspoken lass goes all out to slam Singaporeans with a sweeping statement of, "I feel like I show that kind of support [for my country] and I don't get it back [from my countrymen]. I want my money back - do you know what I mean? If need be, I will go somewhere else (I think she means Taiwan) and make it and I will never say that I'm a Singaporean again."

Well, it's enough that Singaporeans are not showing her enough support, it seems that the local media has a gripe against her as well as she later confesses in the interview, "I come back and read things like 'Tanya might have won, but it was so-and-so who stole the limelight' or 'Dark Horse Tanya wins Golden Melody Award'... ... I just won some honour for our country and that's all you guys can say about me?"

I say, Tanya is right to blame the local media. They are always measuring our local celebrities' success with that of their ability to appear on the big Hollywood screen. I simply don't understand, why must we always use our Western counterparts as a measure against our own success? Can't we be proud of our our local artistes in our own little ways? But, oh no, our artistes are just small fry with little or no recognition, so they don't deserve our support as much as say, Keira Knightley or David Beckham.

Yes, we are a small country, our artistes haven't had much success beyond our local shores, but that doesn't mean if given the chance, they can't make it. I'm sure Vincent Ng can kick ass as well as Jackie Chan. The chap himself has admitted in an interview that he is up to all the tough stunts that Mr Chan has flexed in his movies.

So, what's the problem then? The problem lies solely in resources, people! It's not the problem of talent (we have, but so what?), NO MONEY!!! No money to make big Hollywood films, no money for the extravaganza display of effects seen in The Matrix, not enough money but to make a low budget Jack Neo movie.

Anyway, on a different note, celebitydom is never far from the world of superficiality. They are actors and actresses, so what do you expect them to do? Act!, of course, you say in the most duh-tone you can manage. So, who can guarantee that they do not bring their acting skills beyond filming grounds? That they do not take advantage of their god-given gift to manipulate others? We are all puppets, celebs are the masters that pull the strings. They flirt with our minds, make us perceive them to be a certain way and then go all out to prove us wrong.

In the good old days, a celebrity was defined as someone who is good-looking/pleasant-looking and can act/sing/dance etc. For a singer, stong vocals were highly appreciated and sought after.

In today's context, celebrity presents a whole different meaning altogether. Today's celebrity need not do any or all of the above (i.e. act/sing/dance), they need only entertain. They don't even have to be good-looking. They can look like Rolly Polly, be shorter than the average man on the street, have Bugs Bunny tooth, look like a dork and dress like one. No problem, just get him on reality show American Idol, let the judges lash out at his horrendous rendition of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs", and all he has to do is reply calmly, "I have had no professional training." And, wham bam!, the endorsements come rolling in, his albums hit plantinum status, he has a career in acting and gets a chance to act beside Taiwanese veteran artiste Nancy Sit. So much for entertainment value. Of the wrong kind.

In the good old days, if an artiste's sex tape get posted on the internet, and his or her scandalous antics get exposed, that's it. She can say bye-bye to her career forever. In today's 21st century, however, her sex tape will go so far as to launch her career and has turned hotel heiress Paris Hilton into one of the most sought-after A-listers in Hollywood.

Isn't it ironic? And what does she do after the big bucks come rolling in, when she already has enough to last a lifetime, not to mention an extravagant lifestyle? She goes out there, and shoplifts her own sex video. Funny, isn't it? Not funny-haha, but funny-weird. You can never tell what goes on in these people minds.

And, then, there are those stingy celebs who refuse to tip the doorman or give the waiter/waitress what he/she deserves for putting up with their diva antics. Even worse, they use their celebrity status as an excuse to waif the bill. Hello? You are rich enough to stain your lifestyle with booze and drugs, and yet you are unwilling to foot the bill for a bottle of mineral water?

Like I said before, you never know what goes on in the mind of these people. "Do(n't) you know who I am?" has got to be the most cheesy line ever used by celebrities to cheat their way out of a bill, and ranks way before that pick-up line "Have I met you somewhere before?" guys use to pick up girls at bars, in the Cheesy Billboard Charts. Ok, I made that up.

To jusify the above, I think it has got to do with a saying, (yes, another one) "The richest people are often the most stingiest" which is true, you know. Because these people are so paranoid and hard-up about their money. I should know, because I'm stingy too. (haha) Well, the more you possess, the more you stand to lose. And the more you know you stand to lose, the more paranoid you are of losing it. Has something to do with the workings of a human pysche. Why else did Nicole Kidman sign a pre-nuptial agreement with her fiance? The girl's got brains, ya know?

For me, I feel that celebrity is more of a facet. An ever-changing facet that changes to fit the well, changes. Just like a chamelon changes to fit the landscape.

Many people, especially undiscerning, impressionable youngsters like myself, are deceived by the image the company has created for the artiste. Otherwise, why are there so many closet gays in the entertainment arena? Sometimes, the company wants the artiste to act a certain way, or be a certain way, or look a certain way to fit the image that the company feels can reap the maximum profits off that created image.

It's delusional, and when fans find out the truth, they are mostly disillusioned. Then, they will go on to complain and sue the company that created the so-called certain image to "cheat" them of their time, money and feelings because the artiste is not the way he or she appears to be. As in, the personal he or she is very different from the public one. Hello? Wake up your idea!! These irritating people, the monkeys must have mistaken their brains for bananas and eaten them up.

It's like the man who ate McDonald's and then went on to sue McDonald's for making him fat and unhealthy. In other words, who doesn't know that eating McDonald's makes one fat and unhealthy? What?! Is the consumerism of McChicken supposed to increase your nutritional level or improve your IQ power?!!

If there is anything that helps to increase IQ power, please for the good of human nature and for the sake of our gene pool, give some to these people. And, while you are at that, give them a chill pill as well. They are in desperate need of some. Although, I would advise that you warn them of an overdose in advance. You don't want to take chances. Especially with people like these.

On another note, besides the difficult decision of having to choose between editorial integrity and commercial gain, journalists are faced with the difficult task of striking a balance between work and friendship.

You see, you cannot deny the fact that many journalists become friends with celebrities along the course of their duty. This is sometimes the reason behind exclusive scoops, how some jounalists can get scoops no one can get their hands on. When friendship exists between a journalist and a celeb, it takes the interview to a whole new level. The celeb is more open emotionally, because there is more trust between them.

So what happens when a celeb friend reveals something that may be potentially damaging to his or her career to you, the journalist? Are you going to be his or her correction tape and keep it to yourself, or do you see as serving the public's interests as your priority, hereby possibly taking your career to a higher level?

You see, there is a direct conflict of interests, and I know many journalists lose their integrity along the way.

Anyway, on a last note, you see the guy in the photo (left). Well, I have no idea who he is, but heck lah, he looks like he's famous.

5 Things I Cannot Stand About Singapore Idol 2

It seems this year's most hotly-anticipated talent series is not boasting as much talent as the first season. I've even gave up watching the results show, because the host desperate attempts to fill up the prelude leading up to the actual annoucement of the final result is so obvious, it's desperate.

FIVE: LACK OF ATTITUDE

I know Paul is making a new fashion statement with his hair, that's covering half of his facial features most of the time. But, apart from that, there's almost no stereotypes that are present in every popular reality series. There's no hot mama like in the last season (Maia Lee), there's no rocker and bad boy (Sly), there is no ice-cold princess with looks that could melt a person's heart (Jeassea) and there is no I-would-have-to-consider-whether-to-wear-a-dress tomboy (Olinda).

Ok, I know there's girl-next door (Jasmine Tye) that has big shoes to fill in her predecessor Daphne Khoo. And, there's also that good old Malay Chap (Hady) that remains me of Taufik in his earlier days. And, then, there's that controversial figure who manages to garner enough votes to get him through week by week even though he is a vocally zero, until he finally gets voted out. Still, Joakim's monkey antics doesn't make much for entertainment value compared to Jerry's constantly constipated face and his rantless praise for God's grace that brought him thus far.

FOUR: THE CRYING

I know the metrosexual guy is the "in" thing right now. But, sometimes, you have to look at the circumstances. When Jay got voted into the Top 12, he cried so badly that someone wrote in to a local publication and slammed him, saying that the way he cried was as though he had just been crowned the next Singapore Idol. Seriously, guys, get a hold on your tear ducts. And, I thought only girls become cry babies on national television (i.e. Beverly).

THREE: JACINTHA ABISHEGANADEN

Week after week, Jacintha never fails to wow us with her low-cut dresses that drives the national board sensors into overdrive. Someone even wrote in to say she was so embarrassed to be seeing such lavish display of cleavage, unabashedly exhibited on a family-friendly channel at a primetime slot.

She manages fine dishing out comments on everything and anything under the sun, as long as you don't ask her to comment on the contestants' vocal abilities.

I always drop a sweat or two for her, seeing how she always seems to be a loss for words, her long pauses and her constant grappling as though she is taking all that time to come out with an intelligent verdict, only to blurt out comments like, "I am your fan... so I'm totally biased."

Still, I must thank her very much because at the end of the day, laughter is still the best medicine.

TWO: KEN BECOMING THE NEXT COWELL

It seemed Ken was getting a bit personal with his comments when the man himself came out to clarify that none of his comments were personal. I beg to differ. If you think Simon Cowell is mean, then wait till you hear the kind of comments Ken dishes out to the contestants.

"No voice. No looks. No chance."

Ouch.

Even if his attacks were really not personal, I felt that he could have held back a bit and not be so brutally honest. After all, attack on one's looks is not only an insult to the contestant himself, but to the contestant's parents as well.

ONE: THE CLONES

There's no spunk in SI 2. It makes me wonder if the contestants are all clones designed to talk and reply a certain way. Before the elimination results, host Gurmit Singh gets the contestants' to talk about their performance the day before. It's always, always the same boring reply. "Well, I feel I have done my best."

And, when the judges comments weren't so favourable, it's still always the same old answer, "Well, I have done my best. And, I hope the audience thinks so too. Right, guys? (a small portion of the audience cheers) I put my emotions and feelings into my performance, every performance, and I hope the feelings came across." Sorry, dude, it didn't.

The day Ah Gong came home

As a butterfly.

No, you didn't read wrongly. Ah Gong came home on the same day the Ghost Festival began. He came to visit Daddy and he whispered in his ear that he was gonna come and see us the following night.

His soul came back in the form of a butterfly. A really huge one. It's about the size of both palms put together. To be honest, I've never seen such a huge butterfly in my entire life. And, I still haven't, since I wasn't there to witness the homecoming of my grandfather.

It seems all the butterflies I've ever seen in my life look something like this.

Well, he came home at about 10pm the night before and hovered around my grandmother, persistent in its intent. It flew right in front of my grandmother and refused to leave.

I asked my Daddy, "So, what was Ah Ma's reaction?"

"Ah Ma ah... Ah Ma just ignored the butterfly loh."

My Mum told me that he also went to visit an uncle of mine. I was, like, "Huh? How does he go from our house to his?"

"Aiya, he knows where your uncle stays mah."

"Yeah, I know. But, how does he travel, you know. I mean, does he take the bus or what?"

"Ah Gong flys!"

"Huh? You mean ghosts can fly meh?" At this point in time, I am thinking whether they fly at a speed that can put SIA out of business.

"Of course lah! You mean you didn't know ghosts can fly?" My maid piped in.

Sorry, I'm a bit of a realist. But, I do believe in the supernatural, though.

Anyway, as it turns out, that uncle of mine was in the same room as my grandmother at that time when my "grandfather" returned.

"So, what did Uncle do?" I asked my Dad.

"He wanted to stay, he didn't want to leave the butterfly."

"So what made him leave?"

"Well, Ah Ma chased him out of the room."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because Ah Ma wanted to sleep."

So, my mind kept taunting me with images of grandfather returning. So much so that I spent the whole night wide awake in bed, waiting for a butterfly to appear out of nowhere or fly through the door since I've always watched in movies that ghosts can fly through things.

My eyelids were so heavy and desperate for sleep, and yet I couldn't help but stay awake the whole night awaiting Ah Gong's "arrival". I ended up cuddled up in bed, occassionally poking my half-awake, half-asleep sister beside me. Half-awake because I woke her up. And half-asleep because she went back to sleep after I woke her up.

Once or twice, I dozed off. Only to wake up screaming after having a nightmare. Well, I had a dream that I was at Ah Gong's funeral wake. The only difference was that the wake was held in our bedroom! And, the coffin was placed just beside our bed. The mood was very depressing, and it was dark and gloomy all around. Then, suddenly, as I got into bed, I felt a hand reach out and touch me, and I screamed...Then I woke up.

And, so I waited and waited, for the butterfly to appear, to hover above my ceiling, anything. For someone to whisper into my ear and say something like, "I'm gonna visit your Brother tomorrow night."

As it turns out, he never did appear.

Or, at the very least, he made no sign of his appearance. Maybe, he came, but he was invisible. You know, like Harry Potter, who becomes invisible after putting on the invisible cloak or something. Maybe he just didn't want to disturb us. Or maybe he changed his schedule. Or maybe something else cropped up and he couldn't make it.

Well, anyway, Daddy says Ah Gong touched him and his touch was very cold.

On a different note, Mummy was reading the papers yesterday. It was an article on a group of ghostbusters or something, experimenting to gather evidence of the existence of ghosts. They placed powder on the floor, and gigantic footprints appeared. Those with the "third eye" also say that they see ghosts more frequently now. Among the trees. Everywhere.

Sheesh. And, this year, it's gonna be a double lunar year. Meaning there will be two months of the ghost festival, instead of the usual one.

The route less taken

Two of my colleagues were discussing a plan. A major plan that could change their lives forever. They informed me about their plan before they decided to execute it. Here's their plan: To "kidnap" me, keep me occupied with some delicious food, then call up my father for ransom money. They were hoping for cooperation on my part, and told me I must not shout and they will buy lots of food for me to eat.

"Orh..ok lor!" I told them, "How much you planning to ask my Dad for?"

"Er..1 million!"

"Huh?! So little arh...!" I worth so little only meh..hehehe -_-

"Ooi! I help your Dad save money OK!"

"Orh..i see i see...ok."

Well, apparently, they decided on this plan after a round of confrontation to find out how much I was worth. One of our conversation went something like this...

"Eh...must be everyday at home, you eat shark's fin hor!"

"No lah! Siao!"

"Huh...no meh? Then what?"

"燕窝 (Bird's Nest) lah!"

"..."

hehehe... -_-

* I will post pictures up soon! :))

Is gayism the new love fad?

"If I were straight, I would have fallen for him."

Sounds familiar? Those are words straight from a lesbian's mouth. Apparently, the feelings that she had towards the guy, which was reciprocated, shook the relationship grounds that she shared with her girlfriend. I always thought that when it came to people of the same sex, the break-ups that occur usually wreck more havoc. She requested a break-up. Her girlfriend slit her wrists and even made a trip down to the school personally with the intent of confronting the guy. She ended up making a a scene. Tears were shed, anger reared its monsterous head and violence ensured. In the end, the girl choose to return to her girlfriend's side.

Some say they are just "confused". People who have been hurt in the past and lost their trust in the opposite sex. I once read an interview in which the reporter asked the interviewee why she started going steady with someone of the same gender. Her reply was that boys were not sensitive enough and they could not be bothered with the seemingly unimportant little details in a relationship. For instance, she said that when it came to "the time of the month", guys would usually try all means and ways to avoid going out with their girlfriends, since they become easily irritable and frustrated. On the other hand, a girl who faces the same problem, would understand where you are coming from.

Others are just born that way. Ever watched "Beautiful Boxer"? Well, I haven't, but it is the true life story of a young boy who, when once he was by the lake, came across a girl wearing a flower on her head. He thought it was very pretty and wanted to become just like her. He has an imbalance of hormones to thank for. He went on to become the first boxer ever to wear make-up and nail polish. In the same way that this transvetite (before sex change) feels he is a man trapped in a woman's body, the same goes for gays and lesbians out there. In the olden days people were more conservative and had to suppress the feelings (if any) they had for people of the same sex. But society is slowly opening up and changing that notion.

Thanks to Mr Ang, in a matter of a few months, Brokeback has become the new "in" term to refer to fellow human beings batting for the other team. Whether we like it or not, we have to accept the fact that in the modern age today, there is a new kind of relationship that exists, besides kinship, friendship and those between a boy and a girl.

Not surprisingly, this sudden emergence of this new group of people must be due to the fact of society being more acceptant and open to such behaviour. In the same way, I also feel that the media has a part to play towards society slowly opening up to this new love trend, since the media is an empowerment of sorts, and through writing or other forms of medium, is such a powerful tool to shape people's perceptions, towards what's normal and what's not.

Similarly, there has been a rising number of songs catering to the Brokeback population. A case in example is "如果的事 " sung by 张韶涵 & 范玮琪 (see below). In the MV, they are cloyingly affectionate, leading to the MV being banned in certain parts of China.


The song include suggestive lyrics like...



别人都在说我其实很无知
这样的感情被认定很放肆
我很不服
我还在想着那件事




NOTE: THIS POST IS IN NO WAY PROMOTING GAYISM.

你的 comments 就是给我 blog 最大的肯定! 谢谢!

In loving memory of a father who gave selflessly to his children and siblings

Those were the words engraved on my grandfather's tablet.

Today is the seventh day since he left us. It seemed that with his final struggle with death, he was reluctant to leave. He had so many things left undone.

Isn't it funny? How we are all so caught up in the rat race, directing all our energies into material pursuits instead of focusing on the things that truly matter? But when we leave, we leave with nothing. 生不带来 , 死不带去。I still think there's much more to life than the number of zeros in our bank account. My grandfather's passing has made me rethink my priorities in life.

He was a person with full of humour. Once, we asked him...

"Ah Gong, 你跟阿嬷的婚姻是事先安排的吗? 你爱阿嬷吗?"
"Ah Gong, was your marriage with Ah Ma pre-arranged? Do you love her?"

His reply was: "爱! 我看见阿嬷这么漂亮 , 就立刻爱上她。"
"Of course! When I first saw Ah Ma, she was so pretty, that I immediately fell in love with her."

Bouquets and dinners will never be the same again without him.
"好吃吗?" He always liked to asked this question. Cancer robbed him of his health and prevented him from eating many kinds of food, and he often stole food on our plates before saying, "Shh...不要让阿嬷知道。"

Once, during dinner at a restaurant, he walked over to our table and said,
"阿嬷说我来这里什么都不可以吃。我只是来这里付钱。"
"Ah Ma said I cannot eat anything at this dinner. I'm only here to foot the bill."

昨天屋子里冷冷清清的

我妹妹问: "阿嬷, 要不要看电视?"
阿嬷回答说: "阿公都死了, 我哪还有心情看电视?"

阿嬷一个人坐在黑暗中

当一个人死了之后 , 我们才发现很多东西都无所谓

Afternote: The seventh month is coming. During this time, the number of funeral wakes has increased. It's been said that during this period, the death rate is at an all-time high because the "relatives" have come to take their loved ones away, away from all the suffering and to put an end to all their pain. At the last count, three friends I've known have lost their loved ones. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you.

是不是时候该放手了?

当死神来临的那一刻 , 你愿意放手吗?

拜六下午 , 五点左右 , 我爷爷突然吐了血 , 被送进医院。。。

We saw it coming. That afternoon, my grandfather vomited one litre of blood at home and in the hospital...my father says one litre is equivalent to a packet of milk...

医生说没得救了。。。我奶奶却坚持不肯放手。

The doctor said that there is internal bleeding, which explains why the patient coughed up blood. Apparently, his lungs are congested with blood, and there is a hole in his lungs which resulted in the bleeding. He added that since the patient is already in the advanced stages, there are only two methods left...the first is the "conservative" method whereby the patient is being put to sleep, sinks into a coma and peacefully pass away. The second is the "aggressive" method whereby they attempt to revive the patient. A tube is inserted into the patient to find the hole that is causing the bleeding, and tie up the hole. However, there is a risk of the knot loosening, and the patient will vomit blood once again.

My auntie, who is a Christian and does not believe in prolonging the patient's suffering insists on adopting the "conservative" method. In the end, with a vote of 4:2, with the final decision in my grandmother's hands, we decided not to take the above method. Instead, we decided on a blood transfer...In other words, they were hoping for a miracle. A miracle which my mother says will never take place.

那时候我还记得我是在车站等巴士, 突然家里来了一通电话...只听见妈妈说: "Ah Gong might not be able to pull though anymore..."

当时我赶去医院的时候。。。看见我的表亲全都到齐了。。。大家都围绕着爷爷的床。。。

真的。这是第一次看到大人们都哭了吧! 我阿姨在爷爷面前痛哭了一场 , 一直说孩子们会照顾自己 , 叫他不用担心 。。。听了心里突然一阵心酸。。。那一幕可能这一辈子都不会忘记吧。

总觉得奶奶好自私 , 一厢情愿的希望爷爷能活下去 , 难道要因为奶奶的一厢情愿而让爷爷付出惨痛的代价 , 继续承受病痛的折磨?

星期六的早上 , 也许因为累了, or maybe he knows it's a pointless struggle, 爷爷终于开口了, 要奶奶让他走。。。

爷爷都开口了。。。我奶奶却坚持不肯放手。

我叔叔哭着, 坚持不肯就这样失去爷爷! 他说: "就算只能让爷爷活多一个星期 , 也要让他活下去!" 让爷爷活多一个星期 , 就等于让他多痛一个星期 , 只为了你能多看他几眼??? 到底有没有替躺在病床上的病人着想? 被比手指头更厚的针刺进肚子里的人是谁? 躺在病床上动荡不得的人又是谁? 得靠抗菌素来维持生命的人又又是谁? 不能 讲话 走路 吃饭 对于一个轮椅就是他双腿的人而言。。。

也许 尝试结开心里那个结 爷爷才能得到正正的解脱。

而奶奶始终不明白。。。坚持不肯放手。

我妈说一直紧握不放是很自私的行为, 我爸却说要是有那么一点点希望让爷爷活下去 、而他却什么都没有做 、就代表他没有尽儿子的本份。" 我心里想: "难道让爷爷继续痛苦下去 、就等于出自一片孝心?? 不是应该让他不再痛下去了吗?" 是他们无法过自己那一关吧!

星期天晚上, 爷爷得靠张开嘴巴来呼吸。看着阿姨们帮熟睡的爷爷梳头 、换袜子、一窝蜂的思绪突然迎面而来。。。

随着癌细胞的扩散, 类似人兽猛吃到爷爷只剩骨头, 爷爷原本顽固的生命意识也慢慢淡薄下去了。。。

我想 、爷爷正在茫茫黑暗中寻找出路。

The last I heard, they were preparing for a funeral.

为什么我那么喜欢追星 Part I

Why I enjoy chasing idols so much.

"They are just normal human beings, just like you and I!" A friend once said. Which is something I can totally relate to, what I don't understand is if they are normal human beings like me, how come:
1) At the age of 18, some have already earned their first million, and I am sitting at my computer typing this stupid entry while getting paid a measely $450 per month?
2) They have such perfect bodies (at least compared to the average mortal) and they seem to never have an inch of hair out of place?

I think they are 被捧在神台的地球人吧 !

Celebrity fascinates me. The dirt behind the gloss, the bitching, the catfights, and how despite their status, they still step out their front door to throw their garbage...and get shot by the paparazzi without their makeup on and their candid shots get sold to magazines and newspapers for a huge sum...holy cow! You see what I mean? There aren't any paparazzi hiding behind the bushes just around my apartment, waiting for hours just to get some snapshots of me coming out to throw my rubbish...no wait! I get it now, that's because I never leave the house to throw the garbage! 原来如此 !

Just because I'm famous, they expect my shit to smell like roses.