The Break-Up

I'm totally disgusted by some sick and selfish guys out there.

And, yes, maybe you're right. I'm too young to understand, too young to comprehend, too young to know why girls still stick out with their guys who doesn't give two hoots about them. At least, not enough.

Apparently, my friend is one such person. So, I asked her a few questions.

Q: Your boyfriend is not treating you very well. So why don't you let go? Why are girls not willing to break off with their selfish boyfriends?
A: When you have invested so much (youth, feelings) in a relationship, you will not bare to see it crumble. You will expect to see returns when you have put in so much effort and feelings into the relationship. Even though he is unable to meet certain expectations, but there are things that he does...

She goes on to say that she closes an eye on certain matters. And she understands that his biggest weakness is the "cruel" words he uses. Still, there are the sweet things that he does on Valentine's Day and their 1st anniversary blah blah blah...

When she said that, I was reminded of Jolin Tsai's "睜一隻眼 閉一隻眼 (Overlooking Purposely)". I guess for a relationship to work, both parties have to learn to shut an eye to certain matters pertaining to the overall well-being of the relationship. Makes sense, no?

Q: It's been said that when you love someone, you give without expecting anything in return. Otherwise, it's an investment, not love. What are your views on this?

A: There is no noble love in this world. When you show a person love, you expect reciprocation. In a situation where girls are sacrificing for their guys and they are not getting the same commitment (it's a form of security) back, it's rather sad. When you let go, the guy who once was such an important fixture in your life, then becomes a nobody. It's a girl's common notion that if they let go, they can find someone better. But, at the same time, they are not willing. For girls in a relationship, they tend to be on the losing end. Girls hope to be the guy's last, guys hope to be a girl's first.

Q: What is the most mean thing your guy has ever done to you?

A: Once I wanted to introduce my friend to my boyfriend's friend. (playing matchmaker) In the end, my boyfriend ended up striking a long conversation with my friend, while I sat at the corner sulkingly. I am someone who gets jealous easily. After that, my boyfriend offered to send them home, which made me even angrier. Shouldn't it be his friend sending her home instead? 到底 who is getting introduced to whom?!!

Finally, she ends off the interview with a statement,

"要是我的男朋友是个哑巴, 他会是个完美情人。"

A famous artist once said, "爱情不存在, 唯存在的是愛情的证据。"

Loosely translated as: "Love doesn't exist, all that exists is the proof of love". My immediate reaction is 迷惑 (puzzled) , just like most people.

Ning: "What do you feel after hearing about this?"

Me: " 迷惑 loh."

Ning: "Yeah! But when you delve deeper into its meaning, you will realize that what he says makes a lot of sense." Her explanation? That all that exists of a past relationship are the photographs you've taken together, the gifts from him blah blah blah...but there's no love. In her opinion, love is "fake" because it doesn't last, and "how can something which doesn't last be real?"

"Look at your mother and father," Ning said, "Do you think they are still in love with each other, after so many years?"

"No." I replied.

"Precisely! I don't see any love between my parents now. All that's left is the proof of their love, me. But is there any more love between them? No."

Well, I told her that even though there was no love between my parents, I could definitely feel love from my grandparents. How so? I said my grandma took good care of my grandpa and I thought they still hold hands (I can't really remember) , to Ning's wide-eyed amazement.

"A lot of old couples do that!" I said, which is very true, I do see a couple of old folks holding hands strolling the streets.

"That isn't love," Ning replied flatly, "It's more of a reliance than love. More of a support rather than love. You see, when they are old, their children have all grown up and left them to lead their own lives. They only have each other for company. It's more of a 'this person is gonna be the one to accompany me to walk the last stages of my life' than love."

I remarked that her 愛情观念 (love philosophy) is very 绝对 (extreme). And it doesn't apply to everyone.

"Maybe." She said.

So, I asked her, "Then, in your opinion, how long can love last?"

Her reply: "Maybe two to three years?"

Me: "!!!!!!!! SO short?!" (有没有搞錯?!!!) I expected longer, like maybe you know, 7 years??? (due to the seven year itch, HAHAHAA)

Ning said, "Because you have to face the same person everyday...! Eat, sleep, blah blah blah..."

Drats! What if she's right?!!

I was having this interesting conversation with a colleague of mine.

Well, my colleague (let's just call her Ning) was taking a few pictures of herself in the office using my handphone. She took this picture of her and a toy bear. I mms-ed the picture to her afterwards, together with a note that said, "Cute! (bear)".

She replied in chinese, "Well, if there weren't a good accessory (herself) to pair up with it (the bear), the picture wouldn't have turned out cute, no?"

Then, she went on to say, "Try asking Nono (famous Taiwanese host cum comedian) to pose beside it (the bear) lah!" For the uninitiated, below is a picture of Nono (he's the guy on the left).

5 seconds pass by...

Before I said, "Nono? Isn't he the ugly guy that host beside jacky wu?"

...

I am sloW! I know! ANd my friend is very bad!! I gave her a huge scolding and beating afterwards..

Editorial Integrity or Commercial Gain?

Have you ever been in a situation where you are being faced with two equally important tasks, and you have to choose between one?

Many Singaporeans are upset over signs of biasness in mainstream media. It is true that many companies give one-sided opinions to safeguard their company's interests, as well as for commercial gains. But, ask yourself, can you really blame them? And, will you go so far as to avoid mainstream media? Of course not, because unless you are a frog living in a well and all that's in your sight is that small circle of sky, then it is impossible for you to avoid it at all costs.

I once said in a class presentation that the reason why I wanted to be a journalist was because the mainstream media in Singapore (of course, it's not only limited to our little island, it is a pervading problem all around the world) was too tainted with deceit and lies (not all on purpose) and I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to report to my readers only the truth, and nothing but the truth. Of course, I was faced with the inevitable question of which I would choose among the two, editorial integrity or commercial gain?

My answer, is of course, commercial gain.

A good journalist has to learn how to balance both, but ultimately when push comes to shove and you have to make a choice between the two, commercial gain will come first. Is honesty and integrity going to fill your stomach, or money?

Like how a teacher once put it, "You may have all these ideals and beliefs, but when your stomach goes hungry, you forget about all of that."

And, seriously, can you really report the truth when your company's reputation is at stake? Many people accuse journalists of inaccurate reporting, but sometimes, they do not have a choice. (Of course, in some instances, proper and thorough research has not been done, but that's a different story altogether) This is especially so in circumstances where a few valuable advertisers is at stake.

Just think about this scenario: You are the owner of a reputable company. One day, someone is being stabbed a few times outside a certain popular tourist destination. He writes to your company and hopes that you will do him justice by publicizing this possibly fatal event, as well as to warn others. At the same time, this so-called popular tourist destination is one of your biggest advertisers, and its sole existence has just fattened your company's (not to mentions yours and your employees' ) wallets by just a few million per month. Needless to say, if you decide to report on this matter and alert your readers, the company is gonna pull out, and your monthly income will add up to a few million less. You are caught in a dilemma: To report the incident on the basis of informing your readers and being fair to them, or choose to ignore the whole incident and pretend it never took place. In other words, not awarding any column inches to it?

Think about it.

Are you going to make yourself a whole lot less poorer, or are you going to think about the poor guy's state and decide to give him the justice and coverage he so deserves.

The answer's pretty obvious.

You will die young

Roadshows are the common marketing gimmick nowadays, but it's all sweat and hard work behind those promotional events. If there are no freebies, the only living creature you would be attracting are flies and mosquitoes. This is when Singaporeans reveal their ugliest side. Kiasu-ism.

Don't even try telling any Singaporean on the street "One person only one try." Trying to decipher the meaning behind those words would be harder than cracking The Da Vinci Code. And what happens if you tell them, "You've had your turn. Now let others have their chance"? They cry. On the spot. And the next thing you know they are walking away happily with a freebie in their hands.

I've had my first taste of a roadshow or in professional terms, event management. And, it wasn't pleasant. Unpleasant people make up the bulk of the reason behind my disillusionment. And you will be surprised at how thick the skin of some people are. If you ever meet such a person the next time round, take a ruler and place it against their skin and surprise! surprise! you will realize that theirs are a few diameters in length longer than the average man on the street. Trust me. You will be better off giving them the free gift than argue with them for the next five minutes on how each person only gets one chance, how unfair it is for the other people, and how he or she shouldn't be so unreasonable. Because. Unreasonable people wouldn't listen to reason in the first place.

As every marketing personnel understands, when you let the public play games to win prizes, there are bound to be some "cheating" involved. That's pretty reasonable, you can't be giving out $50 freebies to every Ah Beng, Ah Seng or Ah Kow. You will go bankrupt in no time. Besides, why else do you think the phrase, "Thank you for your participation. Better luck next time." were invented? Precisely! Their sole existence is to be used upon situations where you have to disappoint a huge number of people. These situations are sometimes refered to as 'lucky draws'. Anyway, most Singaporeans act like as though we owe them these freebies. One auntie even declared openly when she didn't won anything, "It's alright even if I didn't win anything,"she tried saying to me in her most convincing voice, albeit rather unconvincingly, "It's just like Toto. If I win, it's good. But, if I don't, then you know, it doesn't really matter."

When certain of our freebies were running low, we had to make use of other premiums to "cover" up. Apparently, one man who stood beside me, had been observing our "tactics" for quite some time, and realized that unlike all the premiums stated, the public were only getting a certain particular gift. He commented that the other premiums were MIA, and asked if it could be possible if we did not have the other premiums as stated clearly on our board. I rebutted him, of course, it was the obvious thing to do. Following which, I held up to his face the different premiums to be won. Which left him dumbstruck...that is, until he made up his mind to do some research on his own. So, when I wasn't looking, he went behind where all the premiums were kept (actually, not far from where I was standing) and saw that there were only a measely amount of the other premiums left. Following which, he remarked smugly to me, "Oh...so no wonder only left a few of the other premiums lah, so you don't dare to give out." FCUK can!!! I was boiling at 103%, and just barely managed to keep my anger in check. Actually, it was the crowd that distracted me.

Then, around noon, came this lao ah pek. This was what he said to me,

"Xiao Jie (Miss), can you give me one of those free gifts?"

Me: "Uncle, you have to queue up!"

LAP: "Aiyah, nevermind one lah. Just give me any free gift will do."

Me: "Uncle, you have to queue up like everyone else!"

The queue was like freaking long, that I couldn't even see the end of the queue from where I was standing. I didn't give it to him because 1) I didn't want the rest of the people queuing to complain (You know how much Singaporeans hate people who jump queue!!! It came in top on the charts in the list on what Singaporeans hated the most! I didn't want any anger or criticism directed at me.) and 2) I wanted to be fair to the rest of them who had queued in the hot, sunny weather. So Mr. Lao Ah Pek stood around, begging me to give him a gift, any one will do. And, I kept turning him down, because 1) the rest were staring to see how I would respond and 2) the LAP was seriously starting to piss me off.

Finally...LAP says to me,

"I am old already. On account of that, just give me any free gift. I'm old. I cannot queue up." FUCK can !!! What kind of *censored* excuse is that?!! Do you know how many old ah mas and ah peks there were in the queue, even older than him!! And, what did they do?? They queued up, like everyone else!

So I said to him again, "You have to queue up, like everyone else."

And, this was what he said to me as he walked away,

"You don't give allowance to old people. One day, you will die young."

All this for a free gift that costs less than $10 (stated), but whose actual worth is only $2-$3. I'm not going to say any bad things about him because that's only going to give me more demerit and less karma points, even though I almost lost my cool there and then. I fully understand that the fat, old, fugly white-haired man was just trying to teach me some good moral values on how to treat the old with respect and sympathy. I won't blame him for his uncouth words and I won't wish unkind things on him like how I hope his mouth rots and how he loses his voice and one day can never speak again.

All in all, I must say that the roadshow was a huge runway success...in attracting cheapo and bo liao people.

寂寞的丑小鴨

懷念小時候的單純
看見的世界雖渺小
心中的快樂卻無限

長大後悲傷找上門
像似大耳窿來逼債
百折不撓 的精神
也會有疲倦的一天

其實你的話已嚴重徹底的傷害到我
但你無須感到內疚或任何的抱歉
因為傷害我的不是你
而是你話中的真實感
像似一針一針刺到我心裡內處
那種痛你能理解嗎?

厭倦當丑陋的自己
一直貪圖完美意識
卻厭惡那麼不完美的自己

心中的不足
外表的瑕疵
掩蓋不住
赤裸裸的擺在眾人面前

嘗試解放自己

Who are the ones paying for you to download your music?

Have you ever thought what would happen if everyone were to download their music off the web? If everyone gets to listen to their favourite music without paying?

There wouldn't even be good music for these people to download in the first place! You think music actually comes free, like music to your ears? No, there's someone out there forking out money, and it is definately not you. So, who are the ones paying?

It's actually the ones willing to unload their wallets for good, original music that's paying. Think about it. If no one is going to fork out money for good music, then the music industry would probably just dwindle and die, because then going into music wouldn't be a worthy investment because there are going to be no profits and maybe even losses, and the occasional album that comes out sounds like an exact replica taken off someone else's album.

Is it any wonder then that record companies go to extremes to get people to pay for original music? A cd album is no longer just a cd, it comes with freebies like posters and stickers of your favourite artists so you can stick their pretty faces all over your bedroom walls. With company going into such aggressive promotion mode to prop the music industry up, should consumers then do something?

The answer lies in how far a distance you are willing to go.

Just Empty Talk.

I appeared in the newspapers!!! Check it out!!! It's expected though, since I have been attending press previews and events, so it came as no surprise that a friend flipped through the papers one day, and saw me staring right back at her.

When I was in Secondary School, there was once when my best friend stopped speaking to me altogether one day. Another friend quietly told me that she was mad at me, because she hated always being the one who initiated contact with me. It was as though I didn't care enough about our friendship to dial the then-7 digit number and say, "Hi." She hated always being the one who worked towards making our friendship a constant. Of course, all that weren't true, it wasn't because I didn't care enough to pick up the phone. I just didn't, for some reason or another.

Ever since I started working, I realized that in a circle of friends, there has to be that one person who bothers to pick up the phone and arrange a gathering or something. Otherwise, another day just passes. And, before, you know it, it's been a month. Two months. A year. I'm sorry, did you said you were married??? With kids?!!

I also realized that I'm always the person to initiate contact. When I called up a friend whom I hadn't spoken to for two months, she chided me for not calling earlier, and said that I didn't care about her enough to do so. "What about you?" I asked. She was speechless.

We always think "Why should we be the one who do it, why doesn't the other party do something first?" It's always, "Why didn't you keep in touch?" but never, "Why didn't I keep in touch?"

If a boyfriend is in the equation, then the friendship then becomes one tough equation, that simple algebra wouldn't solve. Especially if you've never fallen out of love before, or you've never been betrayed, you wouldn't know the true essence of friendship.

I'm talking crap. Please ignore me. This entry is dedicated to all my poly friends. We should meet up one day instead of just talking about it.